value – Life Lessons

He’s Not Yours

From woman to woman, he’s not yours and never will be. So, it’s best to leave him alone before the situation calls for a serious conversation neither you are ready to have about an issue that may require tissue.

So, you’re having fun right? At least, that’s what you say. I hear women use that as an excuse for their actions all the time. I don’t want to hear about men do it all the time or you’re just “doing you”. It’s all fun and games until you accidentally fall in love.

It’s true. Men do cheat all the time and have done so for a long time, but this particular blog is not about them. It’s about us because we instill morals and values in our children at an early age. We teach our little girls how to sit, dress, talk, and act in public.

We teach them the value of being a woman and to know our worth. But the lessons that make the biggest impacts are those we show them. If you think your daughter doesn’t have sense enough to know what’s going on, many times, you are wrong.

She knows why he can’t stay for dinner. She knows why he can’t make her track meet. She knows why she’s never met any of his relatives or friends. She knows that he ain’t for you.

I can’t say I agree with all these podcasters’ take on dating women today, but I can tell you you’ll never get the same respect as men for doing what they do. It’s not fair and never has been but neither is life. Besides, you need to think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You certainly wouldn’t have positive thoughts of that woman. We must stop believing these men when they say they’re going to leave their wives or significant others.

So what he told you he loves you. He tells her that too. Love is just a four letter word without action. There’s no way he can fully execute his love for you as long as he’s still with her. The lie always feels better than the truth until he gives you the boot.

Sis, give it up…..He’s not yours.

Do you ever stop to think that the way he got with you could be the same way he leaves you as well? It happens all the time. Even if you do manage to stay together, your relationship won’t be a fairy tale. There will forever be trust issues because of how the two of you got together.

“Why settle for less when you deserve the best? You’re worth more than sloppy seconds. Wipe your tears and learn from this lesson.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Don’t Change Your Hair For That Job

During my quest for gainful employment, I went above and beyond to be the perfect candidate. I pursued higher education, certifications, and any training or skill that would make me a more valuable asset.

I’ve always had a polished appearance. Nevertheless, I made sure my hair was straightened for all my interviews. Now what would that have to do with anything? Let me explain.

I’m a brown skin Black woman with kinky hair, which was not the preferred look in corporate America. Well, we’re the only ones with kinky hair or as some would say, “nappy hair”. Though a lot has changed since then, I still don’t think they like our hair, especially at the forefront. That’s why you haven’t seen Michelle Obama or any other Black politician wear their natural hair. First Ladies of mega churches don’t do it either, and their job is to serve the Lord. Our natural hair is not attractive to the general public, and it’s not deemed professional.

Sadly, some of my own people would say things like, “She needs to do something with that hair”, if they were to wear it natural. To my other races, when I say natural, I mean without straightening or chemicals.

So, when I realized my hair was not helping me get any of the jobs I had interviewed for, I quit worrying about how it looked during the time of the interview, as long as it was presentable.

I already have one strike against me for being Black, a second one for being brown skin, and a third one for having kinky hair. Sounds like we’re automatically set up to fail. But the good news is, I no longer give a damn.

I interviewed for one of my previous jobs with honey blonde braids in my hair. The style I had is called kinky twists, and I was not ready to take them down. Black women do not spend money on fake hair and the service, then sit in a chair for several hours only to take their hair down after only one to two weeks of wearing it. I was like, it is what it is. If they are interested, they are going to hire me with or without these braids. And they did.

However, the acceptance did not change anything. I was still going to wear my hair how I wanted to at work. In fact, I went to complete my onboarding packet wearing corn rows straight to the back. Again, they were neat and presentable. Oh, but you should’ve seen the look on the Human Resources lady’s face. Guess what race she was?…🤔👀

Throughout the duration of my employment, I’ve worn wash and gos (wet, dry, and wild), silk presses, single and double ponytails (high and low), and braids (with natural and fake hair).

I didn’t wear wigs and lace fronts because I’m just not a fan of them. They make me feel like I’m wearing a hair hat, and I really just don’t like anything covering too much of my head for long periods of time, which is why I don’t really wear regular hats as much either. But, to each her own.

Every time I changed my hair, I received genuine compliments from white people as well as other races. This is when I learned that many white people actually admire our hair. I would get asked questions like, “Is it tight, how long does it take, how is it done, etc?” But I never took offense to any of it. They were just curious. One of my coworkers made me laugh. He was a cool white guy who had good camaraderie with everyone at the office. When I came to work with it straight one day, then curly the next, he was like, “Oh, you can wear it puffed out too!” I was tickled pink because I can tell he was confused😂. Little did he know is that our hair has a mind of its own. Not all white people are tone-deaf. Some really are just curious.

However, a few have come off as tone-deaf when I wore it straight, saying things like, “I like when you wear your hair like that, or it really changes your look.” Excuse me, miss? I don’t care what you like, neither am I trying to appeal to you. I like my her straight at times, but I like it curly more. We often straighten our hair for one of two reasons or both: for manageability or a different look. However, if you care to know my truth, I straighten it so I can make it to work on time.

In conclusion, “do you” when it comes to your hair. God gave you that head of sheep’s wool because he knew you would be creative enough to figure out what to do with it. Besides, you’re too unique and special to wear your hair the same way every day. As for me, I’ve been blessed with a work from home opportunity that does not require me to comb my hair at all 😊

“Your skills pay your bills – not your hair. If an employer doesn’t accept it, then seek work elsewhere.”

– Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Age Gracefully, Not Hatefully

Growing older is not a burden. It’s a blessing! Do you realize how many people didn’t make it to 50 or even 40? A gray hair is a life spared. A knee cracking is what’s happening. And a little gut is what’s up!

Ain’t nothing wrong with making home improvements or renovations, but there’s no need to remodel your home. It’s not dilapidated. It’s not raggedy. And it’s definitely not old. You’re seasoned, stable, mature, and marvelous!

You know what’s the cool thing about having gray hair? You now have a new look to add to your collection. Once that dye grows out or that rinse wears off, you’ve got natural salt and pepper growing in your own head. If you don’t have any gray hairs, then you’re not officially seasoned 😄

What in the world could be exciting about cracking knees? You no longer have to bend to anyone’s demands 😃 Saying no becomes a whole lot easier when your knees start speaking for you. As long as you can bend them enough to walk away from drama, you’re still in good shape.

How does a gut make you the stuff? Every time you suck in your stomach, you’re working your ab muscles and looking slimmer at the same time 😉. Seriously though, it forces you to make a lifestyle change. That gut surely didn’t come from dieting and exercising. Either you never started or you stopped a long time ago. If you’re not happy with it, be grateful that you’re still alive to do something about it. And if you can’t seem to, then improve an area that you can to make up for it😊

Bottom line, don’t waste your precious life beating yourself up about the little changes that come with age. Change what you can, but accept what you can’t. If surgery makes you happy, then don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. But please be careful and understand the risks that come from doing so.

There’s somebody for everybody, so you really don’t have to change a thing. I haven’t seen too many supermodels at the alter exchanging wedding vows. Sagging tits, fat backs, flat backs, and pot bellies are still winning. So if you fit the description of any, then so are you.

Love your seasoned self but hate sin, for that is the only thing keeping us from being great.

“If you live long enough to tell your own story, then you’ll make the greatest accomplishment in life.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽