Have you ever received a message that ruffled your feathers or made you a little uncomfortable? Think about how you responded versus how you should’ve responded. I’ve had my share of those messages in the past, and I failed the test each time up until 2019.
Oftentimes, it’s not necessarily what was said but how it was conveyed or who delivered it. Sometimes people get offended by one word or remark that triggered the negative reaction. Nothing else mentioned in the entire message mattered.
We are all sensitive to a set of triggers that can really get our blood boiling. Typical triggers can include the use of profanity or sexually explicit language, mentioning a loved one or painful past event, a negative tone, threats, and etc. What sets you off can be determined by many factors, but the good news is, there are ways to combat it.
Whenever or if ever you receive a disturbing text or direct message, never respond right away. Take these steps instead:
Breathe
Breathing exercises can immediately cease the need to react with haste. It helps to relieve the anger and balance your emotions, allowing you to rationalize instead of antagonizing the situation. Take as many deep breaths as necessary to release all the negative energy stirred up from that unsettling message.
Think
There’s a reason behind every message. Sometimes the message has nothing to do with the reason, or the reason doesn’t quite align with the message. In that case, there’s an underlying problem that may have nothing to do with you.
I once received a disturbing phone call from a mutual friend. I was totally caught off guard and clueless to what she was saying. There was never bad energy between us, so I knew something was off.
During the first conversation, I mostly listened to what she had to say to try to understand her point, only to learn that there was none. She took her anger and frustration out on me because of some personal issues she was dealing with in her life. I thought I was just an easy target, until learning that she was going off on everyone in her circle.
I must admit, the second conversation didn’t go so well. I ended up using profanity and hanging up on her. That one offensive line hurt her feelings deeply. Sadly, I wished I had gone harder. Don’t judge me. God wasn’t through with me yet. However, I thank God I didn’t let the devil use me because that poor woman is still lost until this day.
Whether the person is totally out of line or has a reasonable explanation, always think before you speak. It can help you quickly diffuse the situation and ease the pain.
Forgive
If you know anything about forgiveness, then you should know this is for you, not necessarily the other person. It really does create inner peace. Holding onto anger and grudges take too much power and control over you. Trust me. I know from experience.
You may never forget how that person treated you, but at least, you’ll have peace of mind, which is priceless. If you need God’s help with forgiveness, seek it. Ask him to show his face, listen to your thoughts, and heal your heart from the pain this person has caused. If you don’t think you can do it the same day in which the message was received, then don’t respond that day. Allow yourself time to reflect and heal, so you can forgive.
It’s also okay to let the person know you’ve forgiven him or her. She’s ready to go back and forth. But remember, it doesn’t become a fight until you step into the ring. You’d be surprised at how your mature reaction can quickly put out a fire, unless you’re dealing with an unstable person or one with mental health issues.
Respond
Now that you’re ready to respond, how will you? If you still want to curse this person out, then you’re not ready because you haven’t healed. Not sure how? You can always keep it short and sweet by saying something like, “None of this is true. I pray you get the answers you’re seeking.” “Your problem is not with me, but I’ll be praying for you.” “I’m sorry you feel this way, but this is totally unacceptable. I pray you get the help you need.” “I’m offended by your message. None of this makes sense. Nevertheless. I forgive you and pray that you get the help you deserve.” “No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I’ll be praying for you.” Or you can always just say, “I’ll be praying for you.”
Sometimes it may be necessary to call or meet up, depending on the relationship or circumstances. Texting can get really ugly because many people don’t know how to communicate that way effectively, leading to messages getting misconstrued.
“Whether the message came from a foe or friend, think before hitting send. When communication gets lost, conflict begins.”
-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽
