Last week’s blog was entitled, A Real Friend is Good to Have. It discussed the values of having a true friend, especially in a time of need. This week’s blog shares the opposite.
Don’t be so quick to call everyone your friend. Everyone doesn’t deserve that title. Pay attention to the signs, and do not ignore them. Some signs may include: one-way conversations, poor choice of words, sarcasm, excessive joking, little enthusiasm, two-faced, and lack of support, to name a few.
One-Way Conversations
A two-way conversation involves talking and listening. But if you can barely get a word in, then it’s a one-way conversation. Many of us have had times when we needed to vent, but if that’s the only time you’re called, then you need to stop answering. That person is one-sided and full of drama. He’s not seeking advice, or she doesn’t value your opinion. He or she just wants to beat your ear drums with numerous decibels of nonsense. Recommend therapy and move on.
When’s the last time she called just to check in? When’s the last time he acknowledged your achievements privately instead of publicly? When’s the last time you received emotional support from that person, like a simple “sorry for your loss”?
I had to kick a few friends to the curb for showing lack of emotional support during my time of grief. Though they were more like mutual friends, they still consumed enough of my time in the past, and my time is too valuable to be squandered. If we’ve had multiple interactions over years, you always attend my parties, and you have my phone number, then you owe me a simple “sorry for your loss”, or you can get lost, for I’ve had associates to say the least.
Some of you may disagree with my approach, but I’m telling you from experience, those people are not worth keeping in your inner or outer circle.
Poor Choice of Words
Anyone who refers to your business as “little” or a “hustle” is not a true friend. The only time these words are acceptable is when you refer to it as such. You can’t expect anyone to call it something different when you downplay it yourself. It’s like getting upset when a friend calls you by the nickname you’ve given yourself. However, a friend who recognizes this flaw in the description of your business will correct you.
Be mindful that your friend might not mean any harm, if he or she is speaking casually and not known to belittle you. It’s how that person says it that should grab your attention. (Ex. “I see you got your lil t-shirt business going.”)
Sarcasm and Excessive Joking
“You got the promotion?” Girl, who’s behind did you have to kiss? Lol! I’m just playing. But congratulations!” First, sarcasm has no place in a healthy friendship. Second, if your achievements suddenly become a joke, then so is the friendship.
Little Enthusiasm
If your friends don’t get excited about your achievements, it may be a sign of jealousy. If they congratulate you with sarcasm, it may be a sign of jealousy and envy. Basically, the only time they’re happy is when the spotlight is not on you.
Two-Faced
A two-faced person is not just one who talks behind your back. He or she also does not defend you when you are being talked about. It is very possible to be friends with two people who never see eye-to-eye, but that friend must know to respect your boundaries when speaking of the other person. Anytime you allow someone to speak negatively of your friend in your presence, be it another friend or family member, your silence makes you two-faced.
Lack of Support
Support can take many different forms, and the lack thereof can contain all of the above. However, my focus here deals mainly with business ventures. First, let’s be clear. Your friend does not have to support everything you do, and sometimes you do need to ask for it. But just because you’ve started your own tax service, or you’re now selling insurance doesn’t mean they are obligated to switch providers. Nevertheless, that person has the duty of at least mentioning your product or service when the opportunity arises and sharing the info. An example of lack of support is when your friend purposely won’t purchase or share your product or service because it will benefit you. Bottom line, any friend that won’t support you out of spite is a hater, and hating is not healthy in any relationship.
Lastly, if your friends don’t show up to the launching event of your new business venture or project, they care nothing about you winning, especially while they’re losing. If it’s not a “turn up”, then don’t expect them to show up. Let those low vibrational friends go because they are not happy with themselves.
Now that you know how to identify a fake friend, remove the weed from your garden and do not become one.
And remember… “Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”
What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.
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Photo: Life of Pix
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I too, am too guilty of this. I call everyone my friend. When they show me otherwise, I forgive them and consider them my friend, still. I genuinely believe what goes around comes around and if you thought you played or used me, oh well. Maybe you did, but my work is for God. I won’t get caught up by your foolery.
LOVE LOVE LOOOVE THIS POST!!!
This was well thought about and beautifully written! You touched every level of spotting fake friends and being a fake friend. It’s crazy how the word “friend” had been watered down over a life span. And even more heartbreaking when you have kids to raise who are innocent when trying to teach them the basics elements of sharing and making friends in contrast to trying to find that thin line on telling them how to be careful of the fake ones. Because even children, some tho innocent, have picked this trait up from their parents because it’s what they see and hear. It’s also shocking how sometimes you can have an alleged friend for YEARS and not know until they expose their hands. Leaving you feeling betrayed, surprised, with thoughts of “how could they” or “dang, after ALL this time, everything we’ve been thru” . And we can begin to blame ourselves, reflecting back on that fake friendship that was once so real to us, calling ourselves friendly fools, when this is not the case. We should never fault ourselves for having a sincere and genuine heart. In reality, the whole time, all the while it was ALWAYS in them. You don’t develop being fake, it was always there. And fake KNOWs very well how to hide it’s ugly face. But one thing about a G.O.O.D person , with a good heart and a genuine friendship and love for people esp their friends, God ALWAYS revels the wolf in sheep’s clothing! He’ll NEVER leave you blind. Once that trait has been recognize, it’s best to do like our writer has suggested… Time to do some gardening!
Facts
I agree… i think this article can help those who lack the self awareness that they even have some of these flaws. None of us are perfect, but this article helps identify the traits of fake friends. If we see some of these traits in ourselves, we should attempt to self correct as soon as possible.