Certain events in life can cause you to re-evaluate your state of being. It could be loss of a loved one, a bad break up or ugly divorce, or a toxic relationship, to name a few. However, if you are not careful on your journey to finding yourself, you can surely lose yourself.
So what does this even mean?
Your sanity is at stake as you try to adjust to your “new normal”. Therefore, you might choose bad habits to help you cope in the interim.
Unless you predicted the outcome of something, then it may come as a shock to you. But even if you saw it coming, like in the case of a bad break up, divorce, any type of heartbreak, and even some fatalities, that doesn’t mean you were mentally prepared for it. When it comes to death, most are never mentally prepared to deal with it.
People often try to act as if they are not affected by such, especially when it’s humiliating and embarrassing, but certain behaviors or new habits usually reveal the truth.
You will first try to convince yourself that you are okay. Then you will try to convince others. Until you learn to admit that you’re not okay, you’re going to drive yourself nuts feigning happiness. You must learn to be okay with not being okay until you’ve adjusted to your new normal.
I get that you might want to be left alone for a while, especially right after the incident, but if you start developing bad habits during your period of distance, then you need to let people who love you help you. If you tell people you are okay when they check on you, they may believe you if they don’t notice a change in your behavior or have no evidence of your new vice.
Everyone copes with depression differently, so everything does not need to be shared. However, if your coping mechanism leads to self destruction, then you need to confide in someone you can trust, and that someone does not have to be a friend or family member.
You were not designed to fight every battle on your own. No matter how tough you may think you are, you will eventually meet your match in life. You might not turn to people for help, but if drugs (legal or illegal), alcohol, and crime could interact the way people do, you’d be a team player.
Don’t invite toxic guests to your team for emotional support when you’re trying to find yourself. Instead, you’ll find yourself locked up in a mental institution or corrective institution – or much worse than the two, needless to say.
If you have a healthy circle, invite those friends rather. Let them take you out, visit you, or just listen to you. That’s what they’re meant for.
If you don’t have anyone to confide in, then you should seek a spiritual advisor and/or a therapist.
And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”
What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.
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Photo: Flickr by Johanna Albert
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This is a very well written article and it is so true. People should not try to handle grief alone because it can have a very negative and profound affect on them in the future.
Well said
I can definitely relate to this topic. After almost losing my life due to pneumonia I could have easily lost my faith in God. Prior to getting sick I had goals set, plans and things to do but I had a support team which was my family and friends. Therefore, I was able to come out of that state better and not bitter.
I personally resonated with this post and needed to read all of these words. I often struggle with allowing people (especially my close friends and family) to help me when I am going through a tough time. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not expected to be happy and smiling 24/7 and that it is okay to get sad even if I don’t know the reason. Thank you for the reminder.
I don’t like being sad.. so I solve it by getting chocolate ice cream! However, all jokes aside, I do more meditations during that time. I go outside, sit in the sun and tell the family to leave me alone for at least an hour.