Category: Self Care

You should show love to everyone who crosses your path, but be careful with whom you show care to. I’m not saying not to care at all. Just minimize it when it comes to strangers and those you are not well acquainted with. People will take your kindness for granted and bruise your heart with their selfish motives.

My Experience

At one time, I was an easy target to get over on. All you had to do was feed me a sad story, and I would figure out a way to help. I wasn’t a random selection. People sense when you are benevolent, especially when you showcase your noble character consistently. You may not seem likely to say no, and if this is so, then you must learn to.

I once received a direct message out of the blue from a former colleague. We were never friends, other than on social media, but we supported each other. She sold clothes. I sold books. The exchange was friendly and much appreciated on each end. I even went the extra mile and shared her new releases on social media often because I was inspired by her hustle. So when things started to get rough around the edges, I guess she figured I wouldn’t mind helping her out.

She pitched me this sad story about being stranded on the side of the road because of a mechanical breakdown. She claimed she had rolled over something and needed to pay for a part. She caught me at a busy time at work, so I didn’t get the full details and let the whole story digest. Otherwise, I would have asked, “Don’t you need the car towed to get the part installed?”

I didn’t bother about the details because I thought I was helping out a “seemingly” good person. She would always post her charity work and other acts of benevolence. Besides, the transaction was supposed to be a loan, not a grant. She had also claimed that she only needed my funds because hers was not accessible for some reason. Therefore, I was supposed to be getting my money back that same day. Needless to say, that never happened.

Long story short, she led me on for about a month before I realized she was never going to pay me back. She played so many games and told so many lies until I was convinced that she was a certified con artist and lunatic. By that time, I was so furious, my last text message to her was sharp enough to cut through steel. One of my friends, who was well acquainted with the perpetrator, said I went too hard because she was not mentally stable. However, she was stable and functional enough to plot and scheme. Therefore, I was unapologetic, especially after learning that she had asked several others for the same amount, using the same excuse. She had the board game mapped out. I was only one of her players.

We must stop playing the mental card every time someone commits a crime. Some people are mentally ill, whereas some are cunning, treacherous, or pure evil. Either way, no one is exempt from punishment.

Please understand that I am very aware and sensitive to mental health issues, for I have family members suffering with mental illness. I recently lost a brother-in-law who suffered with bipolar disorder and paranoia. But there is a significant difference between a con artist and one who’s bipolar, paranoid, or schizophrenic.

Their Problem is Not Your Problem

Help whomever you can whenever you can, but do not make his or her problem your problem. It’s not selfishness. It’s called protecting your peace. You cannot help everyone. You cannot save everyone. It’s not even your duty to do so because you are not God. Saying no is a way of practicing self-care, not selfishness. Even spiritual leaders turn down some assignments. Your inability or unwillingness to help someone will not reduce your character or shorten your blessings. God knows your heart.

Nevertheless, if you watch someone fall or suffer when you could have been a blessing, your heart has become contaminated. Use your gift of discernment when helping others, but don’t ever ignore your call of duty. Obedience has no limits.

Don’t Lend, Just Give

I learned that it is better to just give instead of lend. It removes the element of anger or disappointment when that person cannot or will not pay you back. You’ll also feel more like a blessing than a bank when doing so. Either give your due tithe/offering or an amount that will not hurt your pockets. However, if you already have a good lending relationship with some people, there’s no need to change the terms now. Still, don’t lend an amount you may miss because the borrower’s promise to pay back can always be compromised by some unforeseen event or extenuating circumstance. That’s why professional lenders require collateral.

I’ve been a borrower, lender, and giver. The latter has always felt better because borrowers have to beg and lenders risk losing, but givers receive the priceless gift of peace, amongst other things. Giving a provides a kind of peace that removes the anxiety from borrowing and pressure from lending. Try it!

The Lessons

In the case of the con artist, I made peace with the situation and accepted the loss a long time ago. Anger only adds to stress and steals your joy. Thus, I have forgiven her wholeheartedly. The lessons learned from that instance is to never let someone else’s problem create an urgency on your part, if that person is not in your circle of love, and always be prepared to give what God has placed on your heart. Nonetheless, if ever you are uncertain, especially with all the scams nowadays, always pray for guidance first.

Have a heart, but be smart.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Heart by Evelien Noens

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