Relationships – Page 3

Make Time for Your Family & Friends

We all have an expiration date, and no one can tell you when it is. Doesn’t milk sometimes spoil before its expiration date? So why do we think we have so much time? I don’t say this to evoke fear. You may be one of the lucky ones who live to see 100, but your friends and family members may not be so lucky.

I’ve been to more funerals in my 44 years of living than I could’ve ever imagined. The daunting part is how many were for young people under 50. The youngest I’ve seen laid to rest was only 11 years old when I was only 10 years old. His death was so horrific that it gave me nightmares.

You shouldn’t try to put a time stamp on anyone’s life, but it does make sense to pay frequent visits to someone on hospice or bedridden, as opposed to someone who is healthy. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t wait until the person becomes bedridden to pay a visit.

If you’re a busy person with a big family and lots of friends like myself, you must make appointments and plan trips or social gatherings. Lately, I’ve been setting appointments with my friends and haven’t broken any so far. Use your smartphone and add it to your calendar, as you would any other event deemed important.

Make appointments 📆

If you’re a social person, invite a friend as your plus one to some party or event. Why go alone? As you can see, sometimes opportunities will present themselves. That could be the last memory you create with that person.

If you have a group of friends, plan a day for biking, bowling, golfing, wine tasting, painting, or a small gathering at your home or there’s. These are just a few examples, but there’s so much more you can do as a group.

Family matters most 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Family members should see each other often, if living locally. Turn some of that talking and texting into a meet up. Before there was FaceTime or Duo, you had to pull up. FaceTime and Duo are great, but there’s nothing more beautiful than having physical contact with the ones you love.

When my daughter accepted her first travel nurse assignment, I knew I would miss her. Though she moved out a few years ago, she was only 60 miles away as opposed to being 600 miles away. Every time she would visit, it felt like Christmas. I was opening a new gift of joy and happiness.

That’s the same feeling I get when I see any of my kids who have left the nest, if I hadn’t seen them in a while. But with my daughter, it was different because she was so far away in an unfamiliar town with no family members nearby.

Whenever you see any of your loved ones, you should greet them and treat them like it’s the last time you’ll see them. Don’t take any of the time you spend together for granted because tomorrow is never promised to any of us.

Marriage doesn’t make you exempt 🚫

Married people, I know it can be difficult to divide your time, especially if you have kids or any other full-time commitment. But it’s not impossible.

If both of you have kids, invite them over for a play date and let them jump on that trampoline or partake in some game time together while you get caught up on your busy lives over some wine and refreshments.

If you don’t have any kids, have an adult play date right at your house. You don’t always have to go to some venue. Tidy up your home, and invite your friends and family members over. If you love them like you say you do, then you would invite them to your home, be it a house, condo, apartment, or mobile home.

I miss living close to family for that reason. There was always something going on at my house, especially with so many birthdays in the family and holidays, of course. But most visits were unexpected or unplanned house visits. Those were the best! We didn’t have an agenda. Oftentimes, we just sat around laughing and talking.

What happened to people? Has all this technology made you lazy? Are your jobs more important than your loved ones? This does not apply to everyone. Technology is a great way to keep in touch with your loved ones from a distance. I’m talking to the ones who are not distant and can make time to see each other as often as possible. You determine the frequency of your visits, but it should not be years, even if you are 600 miles away.

Stop making excuses 🙅🏽‍♀️

Money or time should not be an excuse to create more memories with the ones you love. Therefore, when God calls them home, you’ll have peace knowing that you shared a significant part of their lives and brought them nothing but joy. Grief is more painful when there’s guilt or regret.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Toxic Relationships in a Toxic World

I’m not sure why anyone would want to stay in a toxic relationship, but it has indeed become the norm for many couples. You can judge by the featured photo how draining it can be. I guess the toxins of the earth is spilling over into relationships and contaminating good soil🤷🏽‍♀️. Regardless of the reason, it is unhealthy because high levels of toxicity can be damaging to your mind, body, and spirit.

Men and women alike enter one toxic relationship after another and often wonder why they never work out. If your doctor told you a particular food ingredient was threatening your life, would you continue to eat it? Unfortunately, evidence in the health and relationship realm proves that many have continued with their bad habits.

You can choose your battles in relationships or just let things be, but when the relationship itself is a daily battle, then it’s considered toxic. According to verywellmind, “a toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.” Please be mindful that toxic relationships are not limited to dating partners. As mentioned in previous blogs, it can exist within friendships and other alliances. However, I am going to focus on dating partners.

Let’s break down the meaning of a toxic relationship by defining its strong points. Whether it’s abuse, gaslighting, narcissism, selfishness, jealousy, or insecurity, each one falls under one of the four categories below.

Unsupported

Support is bigger than backing your decision to go back to school or start a business. Your partner must be willing to sacrifice time and endure emotional stress. Avoid applying pressure. Adapt to the changes, and pitch in where he or she can. Allow time for self care, and put some requests on hold.

A person can feel unsupported in many other aspects of life, such as with raising kids, budgeting and saving, planning and decision-making, resolving problems, defending one’s character, or simply standing up for that person when he or she feels attacked by family members or peers.

Failing to act or acting dishonorably can make one feel unsupported. If he’s jealous, he’s unsupportive. If she’s insecure, she’s unsupportive. If you are selfish, you are unsupportive. As you can see, the concept of being unsupportive has so many levels to it. A healthy relationship has no place for the latter.

Misunderstood

Gaslighting is a perfect way of making one feel misunderstood. Conversations and messages get misconstrued and twisted, causing self doubt. Narcissists are good at gaslighting. They are arrogant manipulators who don’t like to be wrong and often play the victim. They like to deflect and make you look like the fool or idiot, if you try to challenge or correct them.

It’s possible to feel misunderstood in any relationship, depending on the circumstances. However, if you’re left feeling misunderstood often, then communication and understanding are definitely tainted in your relationship.

Demeaned

Any words not spoken out of love or support can be demeaning. If he says, “you’re nothing without him,” that’s demeaning. If she says, “you’ll never get the promotion because you’re not smart enough,” that’s demeaning. If you often feel insulted or put down by your partner, you are being demeaned in that relationship.

Attacked

Let’s be clear. Correction is not a form of attack. You must be willing to accept constructive criticism in a healthy relationship. It is when correction is combined with aggression that makes it an attack. Nevertheless, an attack does not have to involve correction. It can verbal or physical abuse. Relationships of that sort present high enough levels of toxicity to be considered dangerous.

Toxic behavior can be treated, but the individual must be willing to undergo treatment and apply the necessary changes. If you are the partner, you must be patient and supportive. I believe any relationship can be saved, but not every relationship is worth it.

Your decision to stay in a toxic relationship is your choice, but your happiness depends on it.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. How Your Relationship Becomes Toxic by Lyle Evans

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A Message to My Followers

I’m taking a break this week because I’ve been inundated with preparing my youngest child for his high school graduation. It’s been a challenging journey, but I’m glad we’ve made it to the finish line.

I’d like to thank each of you from reading and engaging with my blogs. Your attention to my content is much appreciated. I hope I’ve helped you to overcome some obstacles in your life and become a better person, while keeping you entertained as well.

Reflection

I want you to remember the lessons discussed in the previous weeks and apply them to your life, so I will provide a brief recap of a few of the hot topics.

Don’t Limit Yourself with your tongue, bad habits, distractions, and by making excuses. You don’t have to be a giant to reach for the stars. You just need faith, willpower, and commitment.

Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Find Yourself. Seek help from a professional and comfort and support from trusted family members and friends. Otherwise, your coping mechanism will become a lifestyle that can destroy you.

Learn To Be Happy In That Moment or live with grief and regret. Practice changing your thoughts and making yourself happy. Doses of happiness can lead to a lifetime of joy and peace.

A Real Friend Is Good To Have when you find yourself losing yourself trying to cope with any type of grief. Don’t be afraid to let someone in. Emotional exhaustion is a “human” experience.

Fake Friends Can Be A Real Problem because they are toxic, and toxins are known to destroy the body. A fake friend is nothing more than a parasite eating away at your life. If you value your mind, body, and spirit, detoxify your circle immediately.

Self Correction Is The Best Remedy For Change because no one can control your demons but you. Rebuke the evil spirit that lives within you so you can become a better version of yourself.

Your Best Look Is Maturity because ignorance is not fashionable. Like it or not, you are judged by how you react, not what you react to.

Kill Them With Confidence because your self-worth, dignity, reputation, and peace hold more value than someone’s worthless opinion.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”