I’m not sure why anyone would want to stay in a toxic relationship, but it has indeed become the norm for many couples. You can judge by the featured photo how draining it can be. I guess the toxins of the earth is spilling over into relationships and contaminating good soil🤷🏽♀️. Regardless of the reason, it is unhealthy because high levels of toxicity can be damaging to your mind, body, and spirit.
Men and women alike enter one toxic relationship after another and often wonder why they never work out. If your doctor told you a particular food ingredient was threatening your life, would you continue to eat it? Unfortunately, evidence in the health and relationship realm proves that many have continued with their bad habits.
You can choose your battles in relationships or just let things be, but when the relationship itself is a daily battle, then it’s considered toxic. According to verywellmind, “a toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.” Please be mindful that toxic relationships are not limited to dating partners. As mentioned in previous blogs, it can exist within friendships and other alliances. However, I am going to focus on dating partners.
Let’s break down the meaning of a toxic relationship by defining its strong points. Whether it’s abuse, gaslighting, narcissism, selfishness, jealousy, or insecurity, each one falls under one of the four categories below.
Unsupported
Support is bigger than backing your decision to go back to school or start a business. Your partner must be willing to sacrifice time and endure emotional stress. Avoid applying pressure. Adapt to the changes, and pitch in where he or she can. Allow time for self care, and put some requests on hold.
A person can feel unsupported in many other aspects of life, such as with raising kids, budgeting and saving, planning and decision-making, resolving problems, defending one’s character, or simply standing up for that person when he or she feels attacked by family members or peers.
Failing to act or acting dishonorably can make one feel unsupported. If he’s jealous, he’s unsupportive. If she’s insecure, she’s unsupportive. If you are selfish, you are unsupportive. As you can see, the concept of being unsupportive has so many levels to it. A healthy relationship has no place for the latter.
Misunderstood
Gaslighting is a perfect way of making one feel misunderstood. Conversations and messages get misconstrued and twisted, causing self doubt. Narcissists are good at gaslighting. They are arrogant manipulators who don’t like to be wrong and often play the victim. They like to deflect and make you look like the fool or idiot, if you try to challenge or correct them.
It’s possible to feel misunderstood in any relationship, depending on the circumstances. However, if you’re left feeling misunderstood often, then communication and understanding are definitely tainted in your relationship.
Demeaned
Any words not spoken out of love or support can be demeaning. If he says, “you’re nothing without him,” that’s demeaning. If she says, “you’ll never get the promotion because you’re not smart enough,” that’s demeaning. If you often feel insulted or put down by your partner, you are being demeaned in that relationship.
Attacked
Let’s be clear. Correction is not a form of attack. You must be willing to accept constructive criticism in a healthy relationship. It is when correction is combined with aggression that makes it an attack. Nevertheless, an attack does not have to involve correction. It can verbal or physical abuse. Relationships of that sort present high enough levels of toxicity to be considered dangerous.
Toxic behavior can be treated, but the individual must be willing to undergo treatment and apply the necessary changes. If you are the partner, you must be patient and supportive. I believe any relationship can be saved, but not every relationship is worth it.
Your decision to stay in a toxic relationship is your choice, but your happiness depends on it.
And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”
Photo: Flickr. How Your Relationship Becomes Toxic by Lyle Evans
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