Friendship – Life Lessons

When The Clock Struck 45

I turned 45 years old on June 14, 2024. I didn’t look or feel any different, but my attitude and energy about certain things suddenly changed. I didn’t manifest these changes. They just happened.

It is what it is…..

The people in my life still matter, but the inactive ones just don’t matter as much anymore. No love is lost. I’ve just lost interest in reaching. The phone works both ways. I still care. I just don’t care whether they call, text, or show up for special events. And if they don’t acknowledge the second invitation, they won’t get a third.

Time has shown me that people make time for who they want to make time for, and it doesn’t matter whether they’re broke, broken, struggling, or grieving. I’m not making any excuses for anyone anymore. I’m no longer that friend you can call only when you’re in need. It is what it is.

Your feelings are your problem…..

As a Gemini woman, I have a pretty sharp tongue. My words can be used with love, kindness, or encouragement. But they can also be used to cut deep into your skin if I feel threatened, mistreated, used, or played.

I have really spared my tongue over the years after becoming a published author because I didn’t want to tarnish my reputation. Nevertheless, biting my tongue has not made me rich and wealthy.

I learned that if people are a fan of you just the way you are, they really don’t expect anything less. My audience is not weak and sensitive. So if you’re reading this, then neither are you.

No one can cancel me for speaking my mind. I’m no famous celebrity and don’t aspire to be one, especially if it comes at the expense of giving up my voice. If I wanted to do that, then I wouldn’t have self-published.

It’s a good thing I no longer have an interest in expressing my opinion on social media because my classmates really wouldn’t like me then. But, the feeling would be mutual because I don’t like some of them anyway. Most of my followers are alumni, family, and a few friends, and I’m not trying to impress or spare the feelings of neither anymore. However, they should be mindful of what they say to me or how they approach me in person.

I’m so glad my maturity and peaceful life keeps anyone who doesn’t like me or have done me wrong from living rent free in my head. I’m too blessed to think twice about people who add no value to my life. My posts have become more visual and less wordy. Besides, a picture speaks more than a thousand words.

I’m not perfect, but I’m not pitiful either. I’m not conceited, but my attitude is undefeated. I’m not petty, but my words can be painful. I’m not a celebrity, but I’m a force to be reckoned with, so be careful with me.

I’m happy, joyful, peaceful, and I love life. To know me is a blessing. To have me as a friend is a gift. To lose me is one of the worst things you could ever do. I’m no longer in the business of saving friendships. Either you’re in or you’re out. My circle of love has no room for backsliders.

I love it here…..

I’m finally feel free! Free from worrying about what I look like (self-consciously). Free from worrying about who likes me or accepts me and who doesn’t. Free from making other people’s problems my own. Free from people- pleasing. Free from giving too much of myself. Free from trying to fit in where I don’t belong. And free from allowing people to play on my generosity and good heart.

Most of these freedoms didn’t just happen, but I thought I’d share them all. I’d love to hear what you’re free from, but please don’t comment, “you’ve been this or been that”. Let me have my victory. I can’t stand it when people make a situation about themselves when I’m expressing my feelings. It’s like if a friend of mine tells me she just got married and I reply, “I’ve been married for 26 years. What took you so long?”

Although I’m proud of my personal growth and development, I have no regrets about how I used to be. I’m glad I didn’t seek revenge. I’m glad I didn’t pray on anyone’s downfall. I’m glad I remained humble and obedient. God has shown favor to me and my family. Plus, he’s elevated me in ways I never could’ve imagined.

I’ve never been a follower, but I’ve always been a leader. I’ve always been friendly and helpful. I’ve always been loyal, loving, caring, kind, patient, and understanding. I’ve never torn people down. I’ve never hurt anyone intentionally. And I’ve always had nothing but good things to say to people, so I couldn’t understand why it was easy to attack a person like me? I guess having character and morals make you the weakest link.

I left out plenty good characteristics about myself because this blog would then turn into another book. My name speaks for itself, and I practice what I preach. I take accountability for my actions and apologize when I’m wrong – unlike most people. Sadly, I’ve still been hurt and rejected by family, friends, and classmates.

However, this isn’t a pity post because I’m still standing and an amazing person. That will never change. In fact, I get better every day. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m just doing one of the things I do best – expressing my feelings. Don’t be afraid to do the same.

“Love others, but love yourself more. People will finesse you with their words and fool you with their actions.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Lifetime Friendship

Does it even exist anymore? I expect to see breakups among intimate partners, but I have never seen so many long term friendships become terminal. My mom still keeps in contact with friends from childhood and so do I. Love, loyalty, and longevity are our key ingredients.

I can tell from social media posts that many friendships don’t have that anymore. Maybe the dynamics of friendship have changed. Or, maybe people have changed. Let’s discuss…

What is Lifetime Friendship?

My definition of a lifetime friendship is one in which the bond created between two friends is never broken by change or challenges, yet strengthened with love and communication. Simple as that. There are no clauses or contingencies. Either you are a loyal friend or not.

An individual can become your lifetime friend at any point in your life, not just childhood. Three of my lifetime friends did not enter my life until I was 20 years old. We connected from day one and have not lost contact since. We’ve been friends for a long time and will continue the friendship no matter what.

I’ve been there for them, and they have been there for me. But you know something? We never talked and texted daily after we stopped working together. There were also extended periods where we hadn’t spoken, minus holidays and birthdays. When social media became a thing, it replaced many of our phone conversations.

Nevertheless, I never had to wonder if they were still my friends. I never felt any distance because they had a special place in my heart. When it did get to a point where we hadn’t spoken in a while, then one of us would break the ice and reach out.

Whenever we reconnected, we simply picked up where we left off. That same joy, laughter, and cheer sparked in every conversation. We’d talk about how much we love and miss each other without expressing any resentment. Good vibes only.

Is True friendship the same as Lifetime Friendship?

No. A true friendship is one in which loyalty is exhibited, but it may only be seasonal. Lifetime friendship is a type of true friendship. Unlike seasonal friendship, it does not have an expiration date.

I have been in quite a few true friendships that were only seasonal, lasting only for the duration in which went to school or worked together. However, we never argued or fell out. We just lost contact a few years after attending school or work together, and the connection just somehow weakened, or we grew apart.

If you ever need to question a friendship, then it probably isn’t real. You must sense jealousy, envy, hate or discord. At that point, you should reach out to your friend by phone or a meetup, if you do not believe the tone of your message will be received properly.

Rare but Valuable

Lifetime friends will respect your boundaries and distance without ever losing love for you.

They accept your flaws and all.

They love you endlessly and fight your battles with you.

They give sound advice and never gossip about you.

They are not perfect, but they are accountable and will hold you accountable.

They treat you the same as other lifetime friends, regardless of when you came into their lives.

They are always just a phone call or text message away whenever you need them, even if they hadn’t heard from you in a while.

Consequently, that type of friend is hard to find nowadays. The one who engages with you the most on social media is not your lifetime friend or even true friend. He or she is only a follower. Know the difference.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Something captured cyour interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

Make Time for Your Family & Friends

We all have an expiration date, and no one can tell you when it is. Doesn’t milk sometimes spoil before its expiration date? So why do we think we have so much time? I don’t say this to evoke fear. You may be one of the lucky ones who live to see 100, but your friends and family members may not be so lucky.

I’ve been to more funerals in my 44 years of living than I could’ve ever imagined. The daunting part is how many were for young people under 50. The youngest I’ve seen laid to rest was only 11 years old when I was only 10 years old. His death was so horrific that it gave me nightmares.

You shouldn’t try to put a time stamp on anyone’s life, but it does make sense to pay frequent visits to someone on hospice or bedridden, as opposed to someone who is healthy. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t wait until the person becomes bedridden to pay a visit.

If you’re a busy person with a big family and lots of friends like myself, you must make appointments and plan trips or social gatherings. Lately, I’ve been setting appointments with my friends and haven’t broken any so far. Use your smartphone and add it to your calendar, as you would any other event deemed important.

Make appointments 📆

If you’re a social person, invite a friend as your plus one to some party or event. Why go alone? As you can see, sometimes opportunities will present themselves. That could be the last memory you create with that person.

If you have a group of friends, plan a day for biking, bowling, golfing, wine tasting, painting, or a small gathering at your home or there’s. These are just a few examples, but there’s so much more you can do as a group.

Family matters most 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Family members should see each other often, if living locally. Turn some of that talking and texting into a meet up. Before there was FaceTime or Duo, you had to pull up. FaceTime and Duo are great, but there’s nothing more beautiful than having physical contact with the ones you love.

When my daughter accepted her first travel nurse assignment, I knew I would miss her. Though she moved out a few years ago, she was only 60 miles away as opposed to being 600 miles away. Every time she would visit, it felt like Christmas. I was opening a new gift of joy and happiness.

That’s the same feeling I get when I see any of my kids who have left the nest, if I hadn’t seen them in a while. But with my daughter, it was different because she was so far away in an unfamiliar town with no family members nearby.

Whenever you see any of your loved ones, you should greet them and treat them like it’s the last time you’ll see them. Don’t take any of the time you spend together for granted because tomorrow is never promised to any of us.

Marriage doesn’t make you exempt 🚫

Married people, I know it can be difficult to divide your time, especially if you have kids or any other full-time commitment. But it’s not impossible.

If both of you have kids, invite them over for a play date and let them jump on that trampoline or partake in some game time together while you get caught up on your busy lives over some wine and refreshments.

If you don’t have any kids, have an adult play date right at your house. You don’t always have to go to some venue. Tidy up your home, and invite your friends and family members over. If you love them like you say you do, then you would invite them to your home, be it a house, condo, apartment, or mobile home.

I miss living close to family for that reason. There was always something going on at my house, especially with so many birthdays in the family and holidays, of course. But most visits were unexpected or unplanned house visits. Those were the best! We didn’t have an agenda. Oftentimes, we just sat around laughing and talking.

What happened to people? Has all this technology made you lazy? Are your jobs more important than your loved ones? This does not apply to everyone. Technology is a great way to keep in touch with your loved ones from a distance. I’m talking to the ones who are not distant and can make time to see each other as often as possible. You determine the frequency of your visits, but it should not be years, even if you are 600 miles away.

Stop making excuses 🙅🏽‍♀️

Money or time should not be an excuse to create more memories with the ones you love. Therefore, when God calls them home, you’ll have peace knowing that you shared a significant part of their lives and brought them nothing but joy. Grief is more painful when there’s guilt or regret.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!