Positivity – Life Lessons

Black on Black Criticism

I know we’re not the only people to criticize our own, but we are a minority group – the most oppressed one at that. Black men can’t be faithful. Black women are classless. And the negative stereotypes we attack each other with go on and on.

Isn’t it enough that other races do it to us? In my own personal experience in the workplace, I’ve tried to be extra careful with my delivery in communications so I wouldn’t be referred to as “the angry Black woman”. But how come we don’t hear stuff like, “the rude Hispanic woman”, “the condescending or sarcastic White man”, or “the antisocial Asian”? Instead, we often hear people say stuff like, “Oh, that’s just how they are in their culture”. I’ve even found myself saying that. So, how come our behavior is never just a reflection of our culture? Since we’re making excuses for one another.

Let’s talk about a few of these stereotypes and how we can become better as a people.

Black men cheat

Of course they do. But they are not the only ones. I never knew cheating was limited to one small group of people. If you do some research or just look around, then you’ll find that all races cheat, not just Black people.

People from all walks of life cheat, including the LGBTQIA community. It’s not a Black problem. It’s a human problem.

Black men abandon their children

First, this is not limited to the Black man. Women of all races abandon children too. In fact, she does so every time she makes the decision to put a child up for adoption. And the most clever way of abandoning the responsibility of raising a child is by having an abortion.

Second, Black men do not abandon children. They abandon relationships, and the children suffer as a result. Women often use the child as a weapon. What better way to hurt a man? If the children were such a burden, then you’d let them go stay with their father. But you refuse because then you won’t qualify for child support.

I know responsible men who didn’t deserve to be put on child support, and I also know some deadbeats who did deserve it. I know couples who let the court decide and couples who didn’t need to. What about the Black men taking care of kids that are not his? Or the Black men who provide for his kids but never get to spend time with them because he’s always working?

It is very true that some Black men do abandon their children, but to say all Black men do is just unfair. Anytime you do not quantify the statement by saying “some” or “many”, you are generalizing an entire group with a negative stereotype.

Both men and women need to take responsibility. You are adult to know the risks of having sexual intercourse without protection. You should also pick your partners wisely, even if it is a one-night stand. You can’t go around blaming others for your mistakes or poor decisions. How can you teach your children to do so when you don’t? Lead by example.

It amazes me at how many guys get called bums and girls get called whores after the damage is already done. Most of the time, people know who they are dealing with before they get to the point of intimacy, which usually doesn’t take long.

Ladies, you thought nothing of his bum status when you saw him with his t-shirt off sweating on that basketball court in those gray sweatpants. Fellas, you cared nothing about her body count or character when you saw those jeans sprayed on her or how she was twerking in the club with that short dress on.

It’s fair to say that humans abandon their common sense and make impulsive decisions.

Black women have bad attitudes

So do Hispanic women, White women, and Asian women with the right triggers. Black women usually have more triggers. Oftentimes, we’re defensive because we’re defenseless in a world against us. We’re not privileged and never have been.

Black women are classless

What if we said Black men were asses? You’re insulting your own mother, if she’s a Black woman. It’s ridiculous to turn around and say you’re not talking about your own mother when making a statement like that, when you didn’t quantify it. I can agree that many women today are classless. I can even agree that many Black women today are classless, if we’re talking about a specific group of people. I can’t deny the truth.

But it’s a shame we have so many Black male podcasters attacking Black woman, when their platform should be used to uplift Black women. I’m never personally offended by any of their messages or any related social media posts I see because I know I don’t fit the descriptions. However, several women are sensitive to those negative messages.

If you don’t have a solution, then there’s no sense in just discussing the issue. Or at least address the issue with positive discussions.

Message 🗣️

Instead of making everything a Black problem, let’s call it what it really is – a human problem. Some issues are race or gender-specific. However, the aforementioned have nothing to do with race or gender. In order for us to grow as a people, we need to do less criticizing and more collaborating.

“A generational curse starts with a generational belief. If we set a negative tone for the next generation, then what have we achieved?”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

The Nuances and Nuisances of Colorism

Imagine there were 50 shades of black. Then point to where you fall on the color spectrum. If your value depended on color, the lighter end of the spectrum, would you feel privileged or better than the others? Given the opportunity to think about it, you might say no. Color doesn’t matter. But your behavior often overshadows your beliefs. Otherwise, you would not identify as red bone, yellow bone, or fair skin. Beautiful Black Queen would suffice.

And when are we going to stop looking at the baby’s ear to determine his or her chances of turning dark? Why should the child’s color matter? Even if both parents are light skin , there is still a chance of the child having some color. I’ve seen it! We love to see color in television, pictures, art, outfits, hair, pretty much everything but skin complexion. We love it so much until we see it in ourselves.

I don’t care whether you are the darkest brown to the lightest brown, yellow, red, or in between, you are all beautiful. That’s what I love about us. We come in so many different shades and wear them all extremely well. How dare they say we all look alike!

I love to see my dark skin sisters in bright colors and dark or red hair.

I love to see my brown skin sisters in bright or warm colors with dark or honey blonde hair (#27 & #30).

I love to see my light skin sisters in dark colors and blonde hair.

I’m not putting limits on what you can wear and how you wear it. Do you! These are only examples of what I love to see. But what I love to see the most is a mixture of all shades in one group. Such a beautiful site to see!

Beauty is only skin deep….Is it really?

How come we don’t define other races’ beauty by their skin complexion? Is it that we have been programmed to believe that anyone who is lighter gets bonus beauty points by default? Is it that they check every box in the beauty department without question? (skin complexion, hair, facial features) I never hear my people highlight their skin complexion when judging their appearance. They are either attractive or unattractive, but their color typically never has anything to do with their judgment.

However, it’s not our fault. Society has separated us by color and shown more favor to people with lighter complexions. The issue is also present among Asians. But no one carries the burden like a dark-skinned, nappy-headed African American. So while you’re highlighting your light complexion in a harmless way, just remember that your dark skin child may not reap the same benefits as you. That tall, dark, and handsome man you chose may produce a darkie. And when he does, you’d better teach him or her that black is beautiful, and the two of you are no different. Remember, when that cop pulls you over, you’re still a nigger.

My Background

Growing up in my household, we were not separated by color. About half of us are light skin, and the other half is dark skin. Until this day, none of my light skin sisters identify as red bone or yellow bone. They don’t see a difference because it doesn’t change our race or who we are.

Our parents treated us all the same. I cannot recall one time in my life that my parents treated me any differently from my light skin sisters. I knew that I was loved and favored by all my family members.

Nevertheless, bad treatment among dark skin children is indeed common in some Black households or families, including daycares and schools.

What can we do about it?

Stop telling the Black woman she is cute for a dark skin chick. It’s not a compliment. It’s actually an insult. Either she’s cute or not, but her skin complexion shouldn’t have anything to do with it.

Stop letting your light skin complexion define your beauty. Drop the red bone and yellow bone. Those terms were used to separate us. Let your true beauty speak for itself. Besides, beauty comes in all shades.

This one is particularly for Black men. When referring to an attractive Black woman, stop putting emphasis on her light complexion first. I don’t think you mean any harm, and some of you may do it subconsciously, but you are part of the problem. Just say she’s an attractive Black woman🙄.

You can still have your preference. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you believe one looks better than the other based on color, then you’re color blind, brainwashed, and mentally enslaved.

Celebrity’s Choice

We can’t stop the rappers. Their job is to sell records. I don’t know what putting a light skin woman first has to do with it, but mentioning them as a color preference tends to be their favorite bars (lyrics).

Then your other favorite Black celebrities, who have the pick of the draw, go beyond color. They go for a whole different race. Again, that is their preference. But it does look like the more successful you are as a Black man, the more likely you are to choose a light skin woman, as if dark skin woman are not good enough.

Meanwhile, we’re trying to teach little dark skin girls that they are just as beautiful, but our own people are showing them that they are not the preferred choice. And you wonder why she has a hard time loving herself? It’s easy to say that people need to love themselves but can be harder to do when rejected by their own people.

People, you are entitled to a preference. I prefer vanilla ice cream over chocolate, and in my opinion, it does taste better. But we can’t treat each other like we treat ice cream. As Black people, we should all be able to share the same story, but we can’t because of the damage we’ve done to each other and what we have allowed from others.

To My Brown Skin Girls🗣️

Stop claiming melanin only when you think it matters, yet you return to skin lightening and contouring with makeup once the movement is over. Black power comes in all shades as well. I’m glad we can still come together for a freedom fight or to reform justice for one of our own, regardless of color, but the little battles within matter too. However, those start with You.

“Don’t let your light complexion create a misperception of who you are. Remember, every color has its own identity until mixed with black.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Body Positivity or Insecurity?

So, we’re just classless nowadays, aren’t we? I guess more skin is the trend. Instead of calling it what it really is, we’d rather label it as “body confidence”. However, I never knew confidence came at the expense of disrespecting yourself.

You can call it whatever you want to, but I’m going to call it what it is. Unless your profession involves prostitution, stripping, or the like, then your confidence is creating confusion. Confident women sell class, not ass.

I can remember when spandex was enough. It grips your figure and accentuates your curves. If sexy was what you were going for, then spandex was all you needed. When worn right, it gives just enough without giving too much.

When you leave nothing to the imagination, you’re exhibiting an insecurity, not confidence, body positivity, or whatever you’d prefer to call it. Confident women don’t need to advertise their body parts to make a statement. Their walk alone speaks volume.

I’m not criticizing. I’m correcting because we all need that. As a woman, I’ve had my own insecurities, but I never addressed them by putting my body parts on display. I’m not saying I’ve never shown cleavage or stepped just a little outside my comfort zone, but I’ve never made it my daily uniform. Moreover, my behavior did not change.

Today, I see too much “body” but much less “beauty”. I’m not referring to looks, for that type of beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The beauty of a woman is made up of so much more than looks. Beauty is behavior and attitude. That’s what makes you attractive. Case in point: Let’s say two identical women are dressed the same. Yet one is loquacious, defensive, and aggressive, whereas the other one is peaceful, positive, and patient. Which one would you consider beautiful then?

Nowadays, most people don’t pay much attention to what you’re wearing until you start acting out. That’s when your lack of confidence starts to show. You want to be seen and heard but not judged. I regret to inform you that you’re judged on so much more than what you wear.

You’re judged on how well you can carry on an adult conversation. You’re judged on how well you perform on your job. You’re judged by insurance companies on how well you drive. You’re also judged on how well you can tell the lie your lawyer crafted for you. So why shouldn’t you be judged according to the way you dress?

The “little” you wear says a “lot” about you. You’re easy to spot but hard to please because you have so many demands. Women who have many demands usually bring nothing to the table, other than what they’re already showcasing. If wearing less makes you feel good about yourself, then you have some serious soul searching to do. Once you find yourself, people will then see below the surface.

“The body seeks what true beauty speaks.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽