Over the past two weeks, I covered good and bad friendships. The next few weeks, I am going to focus on how you can become a better version of yourself.
I’m confident that self correction can help you become better because I’ve improved tremendously by practicing it for years and in the present. I love the woman I’ve become and the peace of mind gained from using this tool. You don’t need an expert to tell you how you can improve, for many of them struggle to do the same. Take a look around you. None of us is perfect.
It’s easy to point your finger at the other person when in conflict with someone because by default, you want to win that battle. Hence, you will justify your ugly words or actions at the time. It’s in our nature to pursue victory – yes, even in arguments. But sometimes doing so only makes matters worse. After your impulsive reaction from that heated argument, you must be willing to look deep inside yourself so you can identify where you need to plant the seed of change.
I have always believed that change starts with you. I don’t care who is wrong or right. How you respond in any given situation will either raise or lower your character bar. Whenever you’re faced with a situation that can have an unfavorable outcome, you can choose to remain calm or get your emotions stirred up. If you are over 40, you should definitely proceed with caution because an uptick in your blood pressure could send you to the emergency room or an extra therapy session.
You don’t always have to be right. You don’t always need to have the last word. And you don’t always have to react – period. Nevertheless, whenever you feel the need to defend yourself in an argument, make sure you listen before speaking or reacting. Other key things to consider is the person’s tone, energy, and attitude. Think about why that person is upset. Then you can gather your thoughts and respond accordingly.
I once received a disturbing phone call from a mutual friend. I was really caught off guard because the aggression she delivered was unusual. That’s why I didn’t react right away. In that particular instance, I did better than I thought I would have. I took the time to listen to her carefully before I snapped, and that didn’t happen until we had the second conversation. I had a chance to retreat and think about what she was saying. When I realized I was the victim of a vicious attack, I let her have it. And honestly, I fired back with less hostility than I would have in the past. I was more upset with the way I ended it than the accusation itself. Have you ever felt like that before?
However, I commended myself on how well I did in that situation compared to others. Today, I would pray for that person, suggest spiritual intervention, and simply hang up before letting my tongue get the best of me.
Self-correction is needed in order for you to grow and mature. It’s an integral part of personal development. As you practice it more often, your ability to resolve conflict will improve. When I was younger, I didn’t like being corrected, but I never minded owning up to my mistakes. But as I learned to self assess, it strengthened my ability to self correct. I no longer care to be right all the time. I just want to wear the badge of honor for being responsible and accountable for my actions.
If you are not sure of how to self correct, take the S.E.L.F. assessment below as often as needed.
S – Sit down and think about how you reacted in a given situation.
E – Evaluate your actions. In this step, weigh the pros and cons against how you reacted versus how you should’ve reacted.
L – Listen to your guilty conscience convicting you of your actions. Now that you realize the damage you’ve caused, was the penalty worth it?
F – Forgive yourself and find your way back to peace. Your mistakes are supposed to make you better, not miserable.
Sounds practical enough? Seems pretty easy? Well, sometimes it’s not. Depending on the person or issue, your mood, and what you’re dealing with in life at the time, you might still react unfavorably. But when you can admit to the faulty conflict resolution method applied, apologize as needed, and make a conscious effort to do better next time. Your progression is a confession of change, and no one can contest that but God himself.
Self correction does not lead to perfection, and the ability to do so can take some time. Celebrate your wins in self improvement, and you’ll never feel as though you’ve lost an argument again.
And remember… “Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”
What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.
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Photo: Adobe Stock. It Starts With You by Thinglass
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