Kill Them with Confidence

Last week’s blog was entitled, Your Best Look is Maturity. I discussed how an adjustment in your attitude can improve conflict resolution. This week, I will share an important aspect of maturity.

Was It Really Necessary?

It took me a while to learn that every action did not deserve a reaction. I wouldn’t say I had always reacted to every jab thrown at me, but I did let some attack me emotionally. I would vent my frustrations and explanations on social media in full-length paragraphs. Then the comments would start rolling in from my virtual audience.

Though my messages were always solid and on point, I later realized they weren’t necessary. My character and accomplishments spoke for themselves.

Don’t Let Others Define You

I thought I had to be this perfect example for my peers because people expected nothing but the best from me. Growing up, I was known as this intelligent kid with a sweet spirit and bright future. I was gregarious and treated everyone with love and respect. I never intentionally broke the rules or behaved badly at home or school. Plus, I maintained a spot on the “A” Honor Roll and received many other accolades in school. Consequently, I was called a nerd and teacher’s pet.

I had no problem meeting anyone’s expectations until I became pregnant at 17, right after high school.

Here are a couple of remarks I received:

Janitor: You waited until you got out of school to do that?

Classmate: Bianca, how could you let this happen to you?

So much more was said prior to the pregnancy because I was dating a football jock. Plus, it was unlikely for me to be dating anyone. At the time, those words did hurt, but I didn’t know how to use my voice to defend myself. I could’ve lashed out on the classmate, but I was taught to respect my elders.

For years, I couldn’t understand why so many people had a negative opinion about me, when all I’d ever said were nice things to people, unless I felt attacked in an argument. From my choice to conceive, get married, stay in my marriage, relocate, and conceive again, the criticism was ongoing amongst family, friends, and peers. Whether I was winning or losing in life, seems like someone always had something to say about it. Can I get a witness?

I’m actually glad I didn’t find my voice until later in life because I would’ve had much more conflict. Seems like when I did, I had become too reckless at times. There was no balance. I was either hot or cold. I guess it was from years of biting my tongue and suppressing my feelings.

Kindness is Still Cool, but Confidence is Key

I was taught to kill people with kindness, and I still practice this virtue. But as I’ve grown wiser, I found it more powerful to kill people with confidence. You do so by not seeking validation.

You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to be who you are. You were uniquely designed and custom made to fulfill your individual destiny. There’s a valid reason the for the “divide” in the word “individual”. No two people are the same, not even twins.

Be Yourself and Nothing Else

Whatever you do in life, do it with so much finesse until you exceed your own expectations, but don’t ever try to meet anyone else’s. That goes for your parents too. It creates too much anxiety and unnecessary stress. Do whatever you want to and be whomever you want to, not who they want you to be. The peace you will gain is painless and priceless!

Whatever choices you make, you must live with them. Should you make the wrong choice, have enough faith and confidence in yourself to make an epic rebound.

And remember… “Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Flickr. Confidence by Mario

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I’ve Earned This Body

You see this bulge in my belly.
My four kids did that.
If it wasn’t such a blessing,
It wouldn’t be called baby fat.

That fat hanging off my sides.
It aint’ called love handles for nothing.
I may not be your Ebony model,
But I’m a trophy to my husband.

You see that fat on my back?
I didn’t ask for that.
But it matches my rump shaker,
Which cuts my jeans no slack.

These arms might jiggle a little.
My walk now has a lil wiggle.
But ain’t nothing unhealthy about me,
As long as my tummy doesn’t triple.

Being unfit doesn’t make you unhealthy.
Being trim doesn’t make you a gem.
You’re as healthy as you feel
And as sexy as the slimmest of them.

If your skin ain’t tight,
Hit the gym or ride a bike.
But don’t let those surgical bodies
Cause you to lose sight.

Look your best and feel your best.
Worrying too much causes stress.
Spanks and shapers ain’t going nowhere,
So consider yourself blessed.

Train that waist, shed them wings,
Wrap them thighs and live the dream.
Whether your waist is club 20 or 30,
You’ve earned your self-esteem.

You can’t change everything about yourself.
Some areas are okay, and some need a little help.
Seek natural alternatives instead,
They’re much safer and better for your health.

If it ain’t homegrown, then leave it alone.
Nurture your trouble areas and keep your core strong.
You don’t have to be perfect when everyone else is flawed.
Applaud yourself for being healthy and not guilty of fraud.

It ain’t all about the booty.
It ain’t all about your figure.
Why short-change yourself,
When your worth is so much bigger.

The change is short, so you gotta be smart.
Doctors are winning, not you.
For big ole bucks, you get a quick fix
That doesn’t hold longer than glue.

Even celebrities are having regrets,
So take heed to their mistakes.
Invest more into yourself than a body that’s fake.

If you’ve already made the change,
I’m not bashing you.
Your new figure looks great,
And hopefully the walk you choose.

I’m here to uplift those who are thinking about it
And willing to take drastic measures,
Like taking chances with doctors, who have no public record.
And those who just can’t afford it and hide behind an avatar
Because people might shame and cause them to forget who they are.

So this is certainly not for you.
You’ve already made your decision.
But your confidence was somewhat compromised
Before you made the transition.

Correct me if I’m wrong because I’m not here to diss-
If something other than confidence made you take that risk.
Your reason is your business, and I wouldn’t dare pry.
I just want to help those women who are hurting deep inside.

You make it look so easy.
You flaunt it all so well.
They’re eager to take that risk.
So they too can show and tell.

It’s easy to love your new body.
And strut it the way you do.
But the things some women are dealing with
Are much bigger than you.

Now back to my unfit women and those who are overweight.
Stop complaining about your body and get back in shape.
Nah, that new body won’t make him commit.
And it surely won’t make him stay.
I’ve seen the baddest women,
Get used and thrown away.

Go for the challenge and be a challenge.
Men love to compete.
Do just enough to be healthy because confidence is the key.

If you love yourself, grace your space, and it will show in your walk.
He’ll treat you like a queen and actually listen when you talk.
Let your attitude be on “fleek” and your beauty bars will rise,
When you’ve earned your body, you don’t need a disguise.

Now don’t go clowning skinny women
Now that you feel good about yourself.
Continue on with your regimen
And leave negativity on the shelf.

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Too Thot to Trot

That Hoe Over There or “Thot” claims the name of a treacherous female with no shame in her game. How many of us have been thots before we married or settled down with that one person? What possessed you to behave in such manner? What makes you so different now? These questions are not meant to wake dead emotions or criticize your past persona. They are meant to make you think about how you used to be before you matured and became socially responsible.

You may have not been called a thot back then, but you were called some derogatory term such as whore, tramp, or slut. You were popping, shaking, or twerking in daisy dukes and crop tops and having sexual intercourse with different men before you got saved. You didn’t care what you were called as long as it wasn’t done to your face. Some of you even thought it was cool to sleep with married men. Some of you would go as far as seducing another girl’s boyfriend just to prove you can get him. If that’s not thottish, then I don’t know what else to call it.

Where was your head when you were thotting? Did you have some traumatic experience in your early childhood? Maybe mom or dad wasn’t there or showed neglect. Maybe you just wanted to be cool or accepted. Maybe you had low self-esteem. There are numerous reasons that could’ve kept you from being lady-like or modest. You probably didn’t realize that some unfortunate occurrence from your past was the root cause of your present behavior at the time. You just learned to live with it, or better yet, deal with it in such immoral way. No one ever sat you down and taught you how to be a lady, so you had to figure it out on your own or much later in life after making a few mistakes.

Many of you just had to learn from your mistakes because you wouldn’t listen to anybody. Some of you had excellent role models. But you wanted to be accepted by your peers who were thots as well. You later learned that the leader who is ostracized also gets the prize.

Most men do not value anything with a lot of miles on it unless it has a rebuilt engine. Still, he takes a chance on that beauty. Without proper diagnostic and maintenance, other things will start falling apart eventually. The one with less miles usually brings less worries, less drama, and less stress. If you didn’t think so, you wouldn’t have traded in your ’84 Ford or similar.

Young ladies, if you don’t want to be labeled as a thot, don’t behave or dress like one. If priests started wearing white hoods covering their faces, you’d confuse them with the Ku Klux Klan. Mature ladies, don’t judge them. Guide them.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Flickr. Street by Black_Tux

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