Body Positivity or Insecurity?

So, we’re just classless nowadays, aren’t we? I guess more skin is the trend. Instead of calling it what it really is, we’d rather label it as “body confidence”. However, I never knew confidence came at the expense of disrespecting yourself.

You can call it whatever you want to, but I’m going to call it what it is. Unless your profession involves prostitution, stripping, or the like, then your confidence is creating confusion. Confident women sell class, not ass.

I can remember when spandex was enough. It grips your figure and accentuates your curves. If sexy was what you were going for, then spandex was all you needed. When worn right, it gives just enough without giving too much.

When you leave nothing to the imagination, you’re exhibiting an insecurity, not confidence, body positivity, or whatever you’d prefer to call it. Confident women don’t need to advertise their body parts to make a statement. Their walk alone speaks volume.

I’m not criticizing. I’m correcting because we all need that. As a woman, I’ve had my own insecurities, but I never addressed them by putting my body parts on display. I’m not saying I’ve never shown cleavage or stepped just a little outside my comfort zone, but I’ve never made it my daily uniform. Moreover, my behavior did not change.

Today, I see too much “body” but much less “beauty”. I’m not referring to looks, for that type of beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The beauty of a woman is made up of so much more than looks. Beauty is behavior and attitude. That’s what makes you attractive. Case in point: Let’s say two identical women are dressed the same. Yet one is loquacious, defensive, and aggressive, whereas the other one is peaceful, positive, and patient. Which one would you consider beautiful then?

Nowadays, most people don’t pay much attention to what you’re wearing until you start acting out. That’s when your lack of confidence starts to show. You want to be seen and heard but not judged. I regret to inform you that you’re judged on so much more than what you wear.

You’re judged on how well you can carry on an adult conversation. You’re judged on how well you perform on your job. You’re judged by insurance companies on how well you drive. You’re also judged on how well you can tell the lie your lawyer crafted for you. So why shouldn’t you be judged according to the way you dress?

The “little” you wear says a “lot” about you. You’re easy to spot but hard to please because you have so many demands. Women who have many demands usually bring nothing to the table, other than what they’re already showcasing. If wearing less makes you feel good about yourself, then you have some serious soul searching to do. Once you find yourself, people will then see below the surface.

“The body seeks what true beauty speaks.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

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Don’t Change Your Hair For That Job

During my quest for gainful employment, I went above and beyond to be the perfect candidate. I pursued higher education, certifications, and any training or skill that would make me a more valuable asset.

I’ve always had a polished appearance. Nevertheless, I made sure my hair was straightened for all my interviews. Now what would that have to do with anything? Let me explain.

I’m a brown skin Black woman with kinky hair, which was not the preferred look in corporate America. Well, we’re the only ones with kinky hair or as some would say, “nappy hair”. Though a lot has changed since then, I still don’t think they like our hair, especially at the forefront. That’s why you haven’t seen Michelle Obama or any other Black politician wear their natural hair. First Ladies of mega churches don’t do it either, and their job is to serve the Lord. Our natural hair is not attractive to the general public, and it’s not deemed professional.

Sadly, some of my own people would say things like, “She needs to do something with that hair”, if they were to wear it natural. To my other races, when I say natural, I mean without straightening or chemicals.

So, when I realized my hair was not helping me get any of the jobs I had interviewed for, I quit worrying about how it looked during the time of the interview, as long as it was presentable.

I already have one strike against me for being Black, a second one for being brown skin, and a third one for having kinky hair. Sounds like we’re automatically set up to fail. But the good news is, I no longer give a damn.

I interviewed for one of my previous jobs with honey blonde braids in my hair. The style I had is called kinky twists, and I was not ready to take them down. Black women do not spend money on fake hair and the service, then sit in a chair for several hours only to take their hair down after only one to two weeks of wearing it. I was like, it is what it is. If they are interested, they are going to hire me with or without these braids. And they did.

However, the acceptance did not change anything. I was still going to wear my hair how I wanted to at work. In fact, I went to complete my onboarding packet wearing corn rows straight to the back. Again, they were neat and presentable. Oh, but you should’ve seen the look on the Human Resources lady’s face. Guess what race she was?…🤔👀

Throughout the duration of my employment, I’ve worn wash and gos (wet, dry, and wild), silk presses, single and double ponytails (high and low), and braids (with natural and fake hair).

I didn’t wear wigs and lace fronts because I’m just not a fan of them. They make me feel like I’m wearing a hair hat, and I really just don’t like anything covering too much of my head for long periods of time, which is why I don’t really wear regular hats as much either. But, to each her own.

Every time I changed my hair, I received genuine compliments from white people as well as other races. This is when I learned that many white people actually admire our hair. I would get asked questions like, “Is it tight, how long does it take, how is it done, etc?” But I never took offense to any of it. They were just curious. One of my coworkers made me laugh. He was a cool white guy who had good camaraderie with everyone at the office. When I came to work with it straight one day, then curly the next, he was like, “Oh, you can wear it puffed out too!” I was tickled pink because I can tell he was confused😂. Little did he know is that our hair has a mind of its own. Not all white people are tone-deaf. Some really are just curious.

However, a few have come off as tone-deaf when I wore it straight, saying things like, “I like when you wear your hair like that, or it really changes your look.” Excuse me, miss? I don’t care what you like, neither am I trying to appeal to you. I like my her straight at times, but I like it curly more. We often straighten our hair for one of two reasons or both: for manageability or a different look. However, if you care to know my truth, I straighten it so I can make it to work on time.

In conclusion, “do you” when it comes to your hair. God gave you that head of sheep’s wool because he knew you would be creative enough to figure out what to do with it. Besides, you’re too unique and special to wear your hair the same way every day. As for me, I’ve been blessed with a work from home opportunity that does not require me to comb my hair at all 😊

“Your skills pay your bills – not your hair. If an employer doesn’t accept it, then seek work elsewhere.”

– Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

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When The Clock Struck 45

I turned 45 years old on June 14, 2024. I didn’t look or feel any different, but my attitude and energy about certain things suddenly changed. I didn’t manifest these changes. They just happened.

It is what it is…..

The people in my life still matter, but the inactive ones just don’t matter as much anymore. No love is lost. I’ve just lost interest in reaching. The phone works both ways. I still care. I just don’t care whether they call, text, or show up for special events. And if they don’t acknowledge the second invitation, they won’t get a third.

Time has shown me that people make time for who they want to make time for, and it doesn’t matter whether they’re broke, broken, struggling, or grieving. I’m not making any excuses for anyone anymore. I’m no longer that friend you can call only when you’re in need. It is what it is.

Your feelings are your problem…..

As a Gemini woman, I have a pretty sharp tongue. My words can be used with love, kindness, or encouragement. But they can also be used to cut deep into your skin if I feel threatened, mistreated, used, or played.

I have really spared my tongue over the years after becoming a published author because I didn’t want to tarnish my reputation. Nevertheless, biting my tongue has not made me rich and wealthy.

I learned that if people are a fan of you just the way you are, they really don’t expect anything less. My audience is not weak and sensitive. So if you’re reading this, then neither are you.

No one can cancel me for speaking my mind. I’m no famous celebrity and don’t aspire to be one, especially if it comes at the expense of giving up my voice. If I wanted to do that, then I wouldn’t have self-published.

It’s a good thing I no longer have an interest in expressing my opinion on social media because my classmates really wouldn’t like me then. But, the feeling would be mutual because I don’t like some of them anyway. Most of my followers are alumni, family, and a few friends, and I’m not trying to impress or spare the feelings of neither anymore. However, they should be mindful of what they say to me or how they approach me in person.

I’m so glad my maturity and peaceful life keeps anyone who doesn’t like me or have done me wrong from living rent free in my head. I’m too blessed to think twice about people who add no value to my life. My posts have become more visual and less wordy. Besides, a picture speaks more than a thousand words.

I’m not perfect, but I’m not pitiful either. I’m not conceited, but my attitude is undefeated. I’m not petty, but my words can be painful. I’m not a celebrity, but I’m a force to be reckoned with, so be careful with me.

I’m happy, joyful, peaceful, and I love life. To know me is a blessing. To have me as a friend is a gift. To lose me is one of the worst things you could ever do. I’m no longer in the business of saving friendships. Either you’re in or you’re out. My circle of love has no room for backsliders.

I love it here…..

I’m finally feel free! Free from worrying about what I look like (self-consciously). Free from worrying about who likes me or accepts me and who doesn’t. Free from making other people’s problems my own. Free from people- pleasing. Free from giving too much of myself. Free from trying to fit in where I don’t belong. And free from allowing people to play on my generosity and good heart.

Most of these freedoms didn’t just happen, but I thought I’d share them all. I’d love to hear what you’re free from, but please don’t comment, “you’ve been this or been that”. Let me have my victory. I can’t stand it when people make a situation about themselves when I’m expressing my feelings. It’s like if a friend of mine tells me she just got married and I reply, “I’ve been married for 26 years. What took you so long?”

Although I’m proud of my personal growth and development, I have no regrets about how I used to be. I’m glad I didn’t seek revenge. I’m glad I didn’t pray on anyone’s downfall. I’m glad I remained humble and obedient. God has shown favor to me and my family. Plus, he’s elevated me in ways I never could’ve imagined.

I’ve never been a follower, but I’ve always been a leader. I’ve always been friendly and helpful. I’ve always been loyal, loving, caring, kind, patient, and understanding. I’ve never torn people down. I’ve never hurt anyone intentionally. And I’ve always had nothing but good things to say to people, so I couldn’t understand why it was easy to attack a person like me? I guess having character and morals make you the weakest link.

I left out plenty good characteristics about myself because this blog would then turn into another book. My name speaks for itself, and I practice what I preach. I take accountability for my actions and apologize when I’m wrong – unlike most people. Sadly, I’ve still been hurt and rejected by family, friends, and classmates.

However, this isn’t a pity post because I’m still standing and an amazing person. That will never change. In fact, I get better every day. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m just doing one of the things I do best – expressing my feelings. Don’t be afraid to do the same.

“Love others, but love yourself more. People will finesse you with their words and fool you with their actions.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

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