Forgiveness – Life Lessons

Protect Your Good Heart

You should show love to everyone who crosses your path, but be careful with whom you show care to. I’m not saying not to care at all. Just minimize it when it comes to strangers and those you are not well acquainted with. People will take your kindness for granted and bruise your heart with their selfish motives.

My Experience

At one time, I was an easy target to get over on. All you had to do was feed me a sad story, and I would figure out a way to help. I wasn’t a random selection. People sense when you are benevolent, especially when you showcase your noble character consistently. You may not seem likely to say no, and if this is so, then you must learn to.

I once received a direct message out of the blue from a former colleague. We were never friends, other than on social media, but we supported each other. She sold clothes. I sold books. The exchange was friendly and much appreciated on each end. I even went the extra mile and shared her new releases on social media often because I was inspired by her hustle. So when things started to get rough around the edges, I guess she figured I wouldn’t mind helping her out.

She pitched me this sad story about being stranded on the side of the road because of a mechanical breakdown. She claimed she had rolled over something and needed to pay for a part. She caught me at a busy time at work, so I didn’t get the full details and let the whole story digest. Otherwise, I would have asked, “Don’t you need the car towed to get the part installed?”

I didn’t bother about the details because I thought I was helping out a “seemingly” good person. She would always post her charity work and other acts of benevolence. Besides, the transaction was supposed to be a loan, not a grant. She had also claimed that she only needed my funds because hers was not accessible for some reason. Therefore, I was supposed to be getting my money back that same day. Needless to say, that never happened.

Long story short, she led me on for about a month before I realized she was never going to pay me back. She played so many games and told so many lies until I was convinced that she was a certified con artist and lunatic. By that time, I was so furious, my last text message to her was sharp enough to cut through steel. One of my friends, who was well acquainted with the perpetrator, said I went too hard because she was not mentally stable. However, she was stable and functional enough to plot and scheme. Therefore, I was unapologetic, especially after learning that she had asked several others for the same amount, using the same excuse. She had the board game mapped out. I was only one of her players.

We must stop playing the mental card every time someone commits a crime. Some people are mentally ill, whereas some are cunning, treacherous, or pure evil. Either way, no one is exempt from punishment.

Please understand that I am very aware and sensitive to mental health issues, for I have family members suffering with mental illness. I recently lost a brother-in-law who suffered with bipolar disorder and paranoia. But there is a significant difference between a con artist and one who’s bipolar, paranoid, or schizophrenic.

Their Problem is Not Your Problem

Help whomever you can whenever you can, but do not make his or her problem your problem. It’s not selfishness. It’s called protecting your peace. You cannot help everyone. You cannot save everyone. It’s not even your duty to do so because you are not God. Saying no is a way of practicing self-care, not selfishness. Even spiritual leaders turn down some assignments. Your inability or unwillingness to help someone will not reduce your character or shorten your blessings. God knows your heart.

Nevertheless, if you watch someone fall or suffer when you could have been a blessing, your heart has become contaminated. Use your gift of discernment when helping others, but don’t ever ignore your call of duty. Obedience has no limits.

Don’t Lend, Just Give

I learned that it is better to just give instead of lend. It removes the element of anger or disappointment when that person cannot or will not pay you back. You’ll also feel more like a blessing than a bank when doing so. Either give your due tithe/offering or an amount that will not hurt your pockets. However, if you already have a good lending relationship with some people, there’s no need to change the terms now. Still, don’t lend an amount you may miss because the borrower’s promise to pay back can always be compromised by some unforeseen event or extenuating circumstance. That’s why professional lenders require collateral.

I’ve been a borrower, lender, and giver. The latter has always felt better because borrowers have to beg and lenders risk losing, but givers receive the priceless gift of peace, amongst other things. Giving a provides a kind of peace that removes the anxiety from borrowing and pressure from lending. Try it!

The Lessons

In the case of the con artist, I made peace with the situation and accepted the loss a long time ago. Anger only adds to stress and steals your joy. Thus, I have forgiven her wholeheartedly. The lessons learned from that instance is to never let someone else’s problem create an urgency on your part, if that person is not in your circle of love, and always be prepared to give what God has placed on your heart. Nonetheless, if ever you are uncertain, especially with all the scams nowadays, always pray for guidance first.

Have a heart, but be smart.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Heart by Evelien Noens

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Are You Ready For The Second Quarter?

Speaking in terms of life, did your game start out quite well, or was it pretty bad? This is the question you should be meditating on because the end of the first quarter of this year is already near. Thus, it’s time to make some changes. Companies operate like this, so why shouldn’t we? Don’t wait until the new year to make necessary changes in your life. Start assessing your behavior and tracking your progress quarterly instead of yearly. By applying this method, you will begin to realize improvements in your attitude and reach your goals faster. Besides, why carry on a behavior or practice all throughout the year when it can be corrected or improved sooner?

If your first quarter went well, good for you. Let’s keep it going. But if you are working towards human improvement as well as success, which are equally important, let’s go through a few check points to make sure you’re on the right track.

Behavioral Assessment: (answer all that may apply)

1. Are you still holding on to something you should’ve let go by now?

• You should let it go because it can have power and control over you and block your blessings, which will hinder your success. You may not think it is damaging to your spirit, but it is because you haven’t let go. When constantly speak negatively of that person or situation, you haven’t moved on from it. You may have learned from it, but you certainly haven’t moved on from it. You become free and clear of the bitterness when the thought can run across your mind without disrupting your spirit. You learn to speak of it from a positive standpoint.

2. Have you admitted to any wrongdoings?

• You’re still holding to on to what someone has done to you, but you never admit to your own wrongdoings in the same situation or another. What makes you so different? If you’ve had many instances like this, you may be the problem. And I don’t mean that in a negative way. Sometimes our approach to handling certain situations is not always favorable to the outcome. Hence, you should always think before you speak or act in any given situation. It can preserve your reputation and make your more diplomatic.

3. Have you forgiven a person(s) who have done you wrong?

• Before diving in, I’d like to add a disclaimer. Holding on to something is not an implication that one hasn’t forgiven a person. Some people say you should forgive and forget. But truth is, you forgive and recover, but you don’t forget. That’s like asking someone not to be human. You can forgive a person instantly, meaning you have no malice in your heart for that person. However, you have resentment or bitterness if you haven’t let go. Forgiveness is easy. Recovery is hard and can take some time. Depending on the severity of the action, it can take months or even years.

Forgiving a person doesn’t mean it erases the pain you feel consequent his or her actions. Nevertheless, you cannot let anything go without forgiveness, but you can forgive without letting go. Resentment causes the situation to gain power and control over you, not unforgiveness. Once you’ve forgiven and let go, then you can recover. As a result, it will no longer have power and control over you.

4. Are you still afflicted with a vice or bad habit?

• You can’t say your path is clear for the second quarter if you are still afflicted with a vice or bad habit you said you would let go for the new year. I understand some habits are harder to break such as smoking, but are you at least cutting back on the number of cigarettes you smoke daily? If you are taking steps toward overcoming that vice or breaking that bad habit, then it’s safe to say you’re moving in the right direction. Now if you are a cheating spouse whose resolution was to stop, you can’t give yourself credit for dropping the old one yet picking up something new. That does not count. Instead, you should consider a new hobby other than hunting or fishing.

5. Are you taking care of your body?

• You might not see how health and wellness correlate until you realize it’s harder to achieve your goals with a poor engine. You want to drive trucks? DOT won’t clear you with high blood pressure. You want to join the police force? They might tell you to lose weight. Considering modeling, acting, or singing? You’re going to need a lot of energy for that, and aesthetics is everything. If your goal is just to have a good life insurance plan, you might get denied if your levels are too high. So be proactive, get healthy, and get in shape.

6. Have you helped someone in need?

• If you have achieved success in the first quarter and you’re not giving back, then you have selfish motives. But whether you have or haven’t, you’re missing an important step because you reap what you sow. You never know when you might fall. People file bankrupt all the time, and it’s not just poor people. Should you ever fall short, would you expect people to give to you if you haven’t given to anyone? Your gifts don’t always have to be money. You can help people by offering your time or services. If you’ve done all the above except this last step, make it an appointment to give your time, talent, or treasure to someone who can benefit.

Life Goals

1. Is your current strategy working? Meaning, are you seeing results?

• If yes, keep it going and monitor activity regularly. This gives you the opportunity to focus on another goal. If no, try something different or improve your current method.
2. Are you tracking your progress?

• If not, you should. Otherwise, you won’t be able to determine what’s working and what’s not.
3. Have you met your quotas?

• If yes, great. Keep it up! If not, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Just set realistic goals next time, push harder, and be patient.
4. Are you on schedule/meeting deadlines?

• If yes, great! If no, consider budgeting your time wisely. Time management is crucial to success in any realm.
5. Have you written your goals for the second quarter?

• If yes, you’re on the right track. If no, what are you waiting for? Without goals, you have nothing to shoot for. Can you imagine watching a basketball game without goals? 😊
6. Are you keeping quiet about it?

• If yes, awesome! If no, hush. Your goals should be personal and as private as your social security number. You don’t have to tell people everything. If so, throw them of and remain a mystery. Some will applaud. Some will hate and pray on your downfall. And some will copy or try to beat you to the finish line.

So, whatever you are shooting for this year, map out a plan and follow it. Re-evaluate the plan every quarter, and make changes accordingly. You don’t have to stick to one plan for an entire year. Just try sticking to it for that quarter. But if you have no plan to achieve your goal, you can plan to fail at that endeavor.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

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Forgive Without Regret

The toughest part about forgiveness is forgiving. It’s even harder when you have to forgive a person who is unapologetic or oblivious. Consequently, it’s sometimes easier said than done.

I don’t believe in forgive and forget, but I do believe that one should forgive without regret. One way you can tell you haven’t truly forgiven a person is if you have ill feelings about he or she from time to time or when someone speaks of him or her. Another way is if the least little thing he or she does or says tick you off. Does that sound like you? If so, you need to find that soft spot in your heart that’s been tampered with, and replace the hurt with love. That’s what forgiveness is all about. Where there’s love, there’s no room for hate, resentment, or regret. Bitterness of the heart disrupts the mind, and that’s why his or her wrongdoing(s) keep showing up in your thoughts. This is eventually going to take a toll on you,’for when you don’t forgive wholeheartedly, you allow that person to have power and control over you. That person begins to consume much of your thoughts and affect your attitude’ (I’m GOOD, ch.2 pg 32, to be released in July of 2016). You can’t even enjoy life because you can’t seem to get over how that person has wronged you. In the meantime, he or she has moved on with life, caring less about whether or not you’ve forgiven him or her. People with this type of attitude either don’t see how they’ve wronged you or simply don’t care because they are fools. You can’t offer a fool nothing but love because they need it most. Don’t worry. Karma ain’t cute, and bad seeds grow weeds. Just remember that when you forgive, it’s for you, not them.

If you are finding it hard to forgive someone, take some time to let your heart heal a bit. Some wounds take longer to heal than others. The rightful thing to do would be to forgive immediately, but humans don’t work like that. Take a realistic approach to the situation by first talking to the person who’s wronged you, if at all possible. There may have been some underlying problem that caused he or she to hurt you. I’m not making any excuses for the wrongdoer, but people are entitled to make mistakes, including you. When you do find it in your heart to forgive that person, distance may be best, if trust was lost. Forgiving does not equate to being foolish. Every situation may very, so you’ll have to use your own judgment. Nevertheless, you will be judged, if you don’t forgive at all.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topics suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.
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Photo: Adobe Stock. Freedom Concept by Vchalup

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