Self-Improvement – Page 2

Words Do Hurt

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is one of the biggest lies ever told. If this were true, there would be less arguments, brawls, and violence in some instances. Not only do words hurt, but they are also emotional triggers.

Arguments start with words. When escalated, they become brawls. Brawls cause bruises triggered by words. The scars left can be physical and emotional. Most arguments can be maturely settled with the right choice of words, tone, and energy.

Violence can start with an argument, escalate to a brawl, and end with a bullet. Violence is triggered by many factors, but the most lethal weapon is your tongue. In an argument, you have the option to walk away, but you must have the last word. That last word could be just that unless you learn to deescalate a situation or simply walk away. Do you know how many fights were started over derogatory words or the common insult, “your mama”?

Oftentimes, it’s not what’s said but who said it. The wrong choice of words are responsible for many failed relationships, not just intimate ones. I can recall arguing with a former friend over the phone in the past. We both said some hurtful things to each other. I didn’t like what was said, but I didn’t like that it came from my friend more so. I’m sure she felt the same.

Words usually don’t hurt when they come from strangers. But when many of us feel disrespected, we’re ready to start a fire. You can definitely walk away from most of those instances. That parking spot does not call for a Glock, and that spot in line ain’t worth doing time. Him telling you he wasn’t moving didn’t hurt your feelings, it hurt your pride.

When used appropriately, words can be used to comfort, encourage, empower, inspire, uplift, and motivate. Words can make people feel loved, liked, appreciated, valued, and important. If you like to feel any of these ways, then choose your words wisely.

“If your words bring people down, then don’t expect anyone else’s to lift you up.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Mental Disability or Accountability?

A therapist can give you a clinical diagnosis of your behavior or feelings and strategies for overcoming them. But, let’s face it. Everyone is not battling with mental health issues. Some people are battling with morality issues. Others are weaponizing their mental disabilities.

Regular therapy sessions are meant to help you cope with your mental condition, not weaponize it. Thus, there’s no excuse for your abuse to others. Take full responsibility and accountability for your actions.

Every time you make a bad decision, you can’t keep blaming it on your mental state. You choose to deflect instead of accept the fact that you were wrong. I’m sure your therapist told you to take some responsibility and how to appropriately address the situation so you can heal. That’s their job. Your job is to listen and apply what you’ve learned.

Too many people in the world are gaslighting instead of igniting their inner strength to change their behavior. Regardless of your mental state, you need to learn to accept accountability for how you treat people.

No disorder should prevent you from acknowledging your role in any given situation or simply apologizing for your actions. If therapy and medication are not helping you with accountability, then you need prayer and supplication as well. Then you’ll have the trinity: spirit, therapy, and medication.

Nowadays, every behavioral trait has a clinical name. We’re putting more faith in what experts have to say instead of what God has been saying. No one can transform you but Him. Spiritual research reveals:

You can’t always have your way.

You can’t keep lying to people.

You can’t keep playing the victim.

You can’t always have the last word.

You can’t always be right.

You can’t always be first.

You can’t keep starting fights, yet expect to have a peaceful life.

Your disorder comes from thinking:

Everyone else is toxic.

Everyone else is disloyal.

Everyone else is untrustworthy.

Everyone else is unfaithful.

Everyone else is untruthful.

Everyone else is dishonest.

Everyone else is selfish.

Everyone else is narcissistic.

Everyone else is judgmental.

You sound like a saint, and no one can claim that title – not even priests and nuns.

Stop leaving yourself out of the equation of every altercation, disagreement, or misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter whether you come before or after a given sign, you’re still apart of the equation.

You can add (+) value with accountability. This is the best way to get someone’s attention and reduce tension.

You can eliminate (-) negative energy or unnecessary chatter by not reacting or overreacting. The person is easier to reason with when calm. This is your opportunity to get to the root of the problem by asking specific questions. Oftentimes, silence alone can kill many arguments.

You can intensify (*) an argument by involving others, bringing up irrelevant information, jumping to conclusions, using a negative tone, attacking the person instead of the problem, and etc.

You can always divide (/) and conquer. Every action does not deserve a reaction, especially when it comes from total strangers. You must learn to walk away.

Continue your therapy sessions. I fully support your remedy for mental reconstruction and self improvement. But if you’re checking every box except accountability, then now is the time to start.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Everyone Has an Addiction

An addiction is not limited to substance abuse. It can be a healthy habit with negative consequences. Some people are addicted to helping people. My mom is one them. She’ll go the extra mile to the extent of exhaustion. That’s when it becomes a detriment.

What’s your drug? Everyone has one, be it eating, sleeping, exercising, shopping, or sex, you’re addicted to something.

No hobby or activity should compromise your health. Let me give you a few examples.

Eating

This one is most obvious. Therefore, I will not elaborate too much. Studies have shown the negative effects of eating too much of the wrong foods and not eating enough of the right foods.

Without research and statistics, your body has shown signs. Don’t ignore them. When your symptoms become conditions, you’ve gone into overdose.

Sleeping

You can’t solve your problems by sleeping. You must face them. If you’re sleeping too much, you’re trying to escape reality.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a long nap after getting bad news. Sometimes it helps to recharge your mind and settle your emotions. But when it becomes your lifestyle, it’s an illness.

You can’t say you’re productive if you’re sleeping all the time or too late every day. Your inventory isn’t going to move itself. You must sell it. Your credit will not repair or rebuild itself. You must work on it. And a job may not come to you. You have to search for one!

Exercising

Some people lose their minds when they can’t make it to that gym. While this might be a healthy addiction, it’s still an addiction. Exercising exudes a kind of peace that can calm the mind, body, and soul. But too much of it can divert your attention from other important matters. While you’re too focused on your body goals, you may be neglecting people you care about, projects you’re supposed to be working on, and etc. You need balance to maintain that banging body.

Shopping

This was once an addiction of mine. I made any excuse to do it. Being a tall girl, shopping can be more painful than joyful, but that surely didn’t stop me. Presently, I have more clothes, shoes, and handbags than closet space.

Sex

Believe it or not, some people are addicted to sex and just can’t get enough. A woman of this category might be called a “nymphomaniac” or “nympho” for short. A male of this nature could be called “satyromaniac”, which is derived from the condition called “satyriasis”. I won’t get into the many names or classifications of one with this addiction, but it could be the reason why you’re not enough🤷🏽‍♀️. O-k, I think I should move on from this subject. I suddenly hear silent justifications for cheating. Let me get out of your thoughts and on to the next paragraph🏃🏽‍♀️.

I know I haven’t covered them all, but I believe these are the most common, next to substance abuse. Any behavior you cannot control can become an addiction. Thus, it is important to address the behavior by working towards a remedy for change.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!