Self-Improvement – Page 2

Mental Disability or Accountability?

A therapist can give you a clinical diagnosis of your behavior or feelings and strategies for overcoming them. But, let’s face it. Everyone is not battling with mental health issues. Some people are battling with morality issues. Others are weaponizing their mental disabilities.

Regular therapy sessions are meant to help you cope with your mental condition, not weaponize it. Thus, there’s no excuse for your abuse to others. Take full responsibility and accountability for your actions.

Every time you make a bad decision, you can’t keep blaming it on your mental state. You choose to deflect instead of accept the fact that you were wrong. I’m sure your therapist told you to take some responsibility and how to appropriately address the situation so you can heal. That’s their job. Your job is to listen and apply what you’ve learned.

Too many people in the world are gaslighting instead of igniting their inner strength to change their behavior. Regardless of your mental state, you need to learn to accept accountability for how you treat people.

No disorder should prevent you from acknowledging your role in any given situation or simply apologizing for your actions. If therapy and medication are not helping you with accountability, then you need prayer and supplication as well. Then you’ll have the trinity: spirit, therapy, and medication.

Nowadays, every behavioral trait has a clinical name. We’re putting more faith in what experts have to say instead of what God has been saying. No one can transform you but Him. Spiritual research reveals:

You can’t always have your way.

You can’t keep lying to people.

You can’t keep playing the victim.

You can’t always have the last word.

You can’t always be right.

You can’t always be first.

You can’t keep starting fights, yet expect to have a peaceful life.

Your disorder comes from thinking:

Everyone else is toxic.

Everyone else is disloyal.

Everyone else is untrustworthy.

Everyone else is unfaithful.

Everyone else is untruthful.

Everyone else is dishonest.

Everyone else is selfish.

Everyone else is narcissistic.

Everyone else is judgmental.

You sound like a saint, and no one can claim that title – not even priests and nuns.

Stop leaving yourself out of the equation of every altercation, disagreement, or misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter whether you come before or after a given sign, you’re still apart of the equation.

You can add (+) value with accountability. This is the best way to get someone’s attention and reduce tension.

You can eliminate (-) negative energy or unnecessary chatter by not reacting or overreacting. The person is easier to reason with when calm. This is your opportunity to get to the root of the problem by asking specific questions. Oftentimes, silence alone can kill many arguments.

You can intensify (*) an argument by involving others, bringing up irrelevant information, jumping to conclusions, using a negative tone, attacking the person instead of the problem, and etc.

You can always divide (/) and conquer. Every action does not deserve a reaction, especially when it comes from total strangers. You must learn to walk away.

Continue your therapy sessions. I fully support your remedy for mental reconstruction and self improvement. But if you’re checking every box except accountability, then now is the time to start.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Everyone Has an Addiction

An addiction is not limited to substance abuse. It can be a healthy habit with negative consequences. Some people are addicted to helping people. My mom is one them. She’ll go the extra mile to the extent of exhaustion. That’s when it becomes a detriment.

What’s your drug? Everyone has one, be it eating, sleeping, exercising, shopping, or sex, you’re addicted to something.

No hobby or activity should compromise your health. Let me give you a few examples.

Eating

This one is most obvious. Therefore, I will not elaborate too much. Studies have shown the negative effects of eating too much of the wrong foods and not eating enough of the right foods.

Without research and statistics, your body has shown signs. Don’t ignore them. When your symptoms become conditions, you’ve gone into overdose.

Sleeping

You can’t solve your problems by sleeping. You must face them. If you’re sleeping too much, you’re trying to escape reality.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a long nap after getting bad news. Sometimes it helps to recharge your mind and settle your emotions. But when it becomes your lifestyle, it’s an illness.

You can’t say you’re productive if you’re sleeping all the time or too late every day. Your inventory isn’t going to move itself. You must sell it. Your credit will not repair or rebuild itself. You must work on it. And a job may not come to you. You have to search for one!

Exercising

Some people lose their minds when they can’t make it to that gym. While this might be a healthy addiction, it’s still an addiction. Exercising exudes a kind of peace that can calm the mind, body, and soul. But too much of it can divert your attention from other important matters. While you’re too focused on your body goals, you may be neglecting people you care about, projects you’re supposed to be working on, and etc. You need balance to maintain that banging body.

Shopping

This was once an addiction of mine. I made any excuse to do it. Being a tall girl, shopping can be more painful than joyful, but that surely didn’t stop me. Presently, I have more clothes, shoes, and handbags than closet space.

Sex

Believe it or not, some people are addicted to sex and just can’t get enough. A woman of this category might be called a “nymphomaniac” or “nympho” for short. A male of this nature could be called “satyromaniac”, which is derived from the condition called “satyriasis”. I won’t get into the many names or classifications of one with this addiction, but it could be the reason why you’re not enough🤷🏽‍♀️. O-k, I think I should move on from this subject. I suddenly hear silent justifications for cheating. Let me get out of your thoughts and on to the next paragraph🏃🏽‍♀️.

I know I haven’t covered them all, but I believe these are the most common, next to substance abuse. Any behavior you cannot control can become an addiction. Thus, it is important to address the behavior by working towards a remedy for change.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Stop Living Vicariously Through Your Children

Children are the biggest blessing one could ask for. There’s nothing more beautiful than having a child in your own image. It’s a bonus when they actually look like you. But must they live in your shadow with smoother edges?

You’re lucky if your child wants to be like you. But children should be allowed to have their own identity, and you should encourage that. If by chance they do follow in your footsteps, don’t ruin the experience by curating their lifestyle to fit your taste. Their life is no art show. It’s their life.

You can’t use them as a time machine to go back and do things differently or more fashionably. Continue to work on yourself, for that is the best example you can give them. They’ll appreciate that more than you trying to make their moves fit your groove.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your kids to look as good as you or better. Be smarter than you. Do more than you did. See things you didn’t. Go places you’ve never been. But when your heartfelt desires start putting too much pressure on them, you need to give them some time and space to think about what they want for their own lives.

Some men will go as far as signing their sons up for football when he might be better at baseball. It’s okay to keep them active, but let them choose their own sport.

Some women may encourage their daughters to join the dance team when she’d rather join the band. Does it matter which uniform she chooses as long as she’s involved in some extracurricular activity?

If you missed out on something your heart desired as a child, that does not make it okay to pursue or live it through your child. If she chooses to keep it simple for prom, then let her. If he chooses to go to prom alone, then let him. These are not acts of disobedience. They’re called choices.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are limits to choices. If you can afford to put your child in an excellent private school, but she prefers public school, that’s too bad. She shouldn’t have a choice, unless she can present valid reasons through research and other fact findings to defend her choice. Most kids won’t do that, by the way. Nevertheless, you must still be in agreement. Education is important. Her desire to wear street clothes, name brand, and exotic hair and nails to look cool is irrelevant.

If he doesn’t want to represent your alma mater, it should be okay as long as he is pursuing a good education and living his dream. If he chooses Alabama State Crimson Tide over the LSU Tigers, at least he’s still playing football.

Don’t kill their dreams with your agenda. Instead, celebrate their individuality and support their choices. You can find “me” in the word “dream”, but there are no alphabets that can form “you”.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Beauty Queen by Dancerdawg2luv

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