Self-Improvement – Life Lessons

He’s Not Yours

From woman to woman, he’s not yours and never will be. So, it’s best to leave him alone before the situation calls for a serious conversation neither you are ready to have about an issue that may require tissue.

So, you’re having fun right? At least, that’s what you say. I hear women use that as an excuse for their actions all the time. I don’t want to hear about men do it all the time or you’re just “doing you”. It’s all fun and games until you accidentally fall in love.

It’s true. Men do cheat all the time and have done so for a long time, but this particular blog is not about them. It’s about us because we instill morals and values in our children at an early age. We teach our little girls how to sit, dress, talk, and act in public.

We teach them the value of being a woman and to know our worth. But the lessons that make the biggest impacts are those we show them. If you think your daughter doesn’t have sense enough to know what’s going on, many times, you are wrong.

She knows why he can’t stay for dinner. She knows why he can’t make her track meet. She knows why she’s never met any of his relatives or friends. She knows that he ain’t for you.

I can’t say I agree with all these podcasters’ take on dating women today, but I can tell you you’ll never get the same respect as men for doing what they do. It’s not fair and never has been but neither is life. Besides, you need to think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You certainly wouldn’t have positive thoughts of that woman. We must stop believing these men when they say they’re going to leave their wives or significant others.

So what he told you he loves you. He tells her that too. Love is just a four letter word without action. There’s no way he can fully execute his love for you as long as he’s still with her. The lie always feels better than the truth until he gives you the boot.

Sis, give it up…..He’s not yours.

Do you ever stop to think that the way he got with you could be the same way he leaves you as well? It happens all the time. Even if you do manage to stay together, your relationship won’t be a fairy tale. There will forever be trust issues because of how the two of you got together.

“Why settle for less when you deserve the best? You’re worth more than sloppy seconds. Wipe your tears and learn from this lesson.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

When The Clock Struck 45

I turned 45 years old on June 14, 2024. I didn’t look or feel any different, but my attitude and energy about certain things suddenly changed. I didn’t manifest these changes. They just happened.

It is what it is…..

The people in my life still matter, but the inactive ones just don’t matter as much anymore. No love is lost. I’ve just lost interest in reaching. The phone works both ways. I still care. I just don’t care whether they call, text, or show up for special events. And if they don’t acknowledge the second invitation, they won’t get a third.

Time has shown me that people make time for who they want to make time for, and it doesn’t matter whether they’re broke, broken, struggling, or grieving. I’m not making any excuses for anyone anymore. I’m no longer that friend you can call only when you’re in need. It is what it is.

Your feelings are your problem…..

As a Gemini woman, I have a pretty sharp tongue. My words can be used with love, kindness, or encouragement. But they can also be used to cut deep into your skin if I feel threatened, mistreated, used, or played.

I have really spared my tongue over the years after becoming a published author because I didn’t want to tarnish my reputation. Nevertheless, biting my tongue has not made me rich and wealthy.

I learned that if people are a fan of you just the way you are, they really don’t expect anything less. My audience is not weak and sensitive. So if you’re reading this, then neither are you.

No one can cancel me for speaking my mind. I’m no famous celebrity and don’t aspire to be one, especially if it comes at the expense of giving up my voice. If I wanted to do that, then I wouldn’t have self-published.

It’s a good thing I no longer have an interest in expressing my opinion on social media because my classmates really wouldn’t like me then. But, the feeling would be mutual because I don’t like some of them anyway. Most of my followers are alumni, family, and a few friends, and I’m not trying to impress or spare the feelings of neither anymore. However, they should be mindful of what they say to me or how they approach me in person.

I’m so glad my maturity and peaceful life keeps anyone who doesn’t like me or have done me wrong from living rent free in my head. I’m too blessed to think twice about people who add no value to my life. My posts have become more visual and less wordy. Besides, a picture speaks more than a thousand words.

I’m not perfect, but I’m not pitiful either. I’m not conceited, but my attitude is undefeated. I’m not petty, but my words can be painful. I’m not a celebrity, but I’m a force to be reckoned with, so be careful with me.

I’m happy, joyful, peaceful, and I love life. To know me is a blessing. To have me as a friend is a gift. To lose me is one of the worst things you could ever do. I’m no longer in the business of saving friendships. Either you’re in or you’re out. My circle of love has no room for backsliders.

I love it here…..

I’m finally feel free! Free from worrying about what I look like (self-consciously). Free from worrying about who likes me or accepts me and who doesn’t. Free from making other people’s problems my own. Free from people- pleasing. Free from giving too much of myself. Free from trying to fit in where I don’t belong. And free from allowing people to play on my generosity and good heart.

Most of these freedoms didn’t just happen, but I thought I’d share them all. I’d love to hear what you’re free from, but please don’t comment, “you’ve been this or been that”. Let me have my victory. I can’t stand it when people make a situation about themselves when I’m expressing my feelings. It’s like if a friend of mine tells me she just got married and I reply, “I’ve been married for 26 years. What took you so long?”

Although I’m proud of my personal growth and development, I have no regrets about how I used to be. I’m glad I didn’t seek revenge. I’m glad I didn’t pray on anyone’s downfall. I’m glad I remained humble and obedient. God has shown favor to me and my family. Plus, he’s elevated me in ways I never could’ve imagined.

I’ve never been a follower, but I’ve always been a leader. I’ve always been friendly and helpful. I’ve always been loyal, loving, caring, kind, patient, and understanding. I’ve never torn people down. I’ve never hurt anyone intentionally. And I’ve always had nothing but good things to say to people, so I couldn’t understand why it was easy to attack a person like me? I guess having character and morals make you the weakest link.

I left out plenty good characteristics about myself because this blog would then turn into another book. My name speaks for itself, and I practice what I preach. I take accountability for my actions and apologize when I’m wrong – unlike most people. Sadly, I’ve still been hurt and rejected by family, friends, and classmates.

However, this isn’t a pity post because I’m still standing and an amazing person. That will never change. In fact, I get better every day. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m just doing one of the things I do best – expressing my feelings. Don’t be afraid to do the same.

“Love others, but love yourself more. People will finesse you with their words and fool you with their actions.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Words Do Hurt

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is one of the biggest lies ever told. If this were true, there would be less arguments, brawls, and violence in some instances. Not only do words hurt, but they are also emotional triggers.

Arguments start with words. When escalated, they become brawls. Brawls cause bruises triggered by words. The scars left can be physical and emotional. Most arguments can be maturely settled with the right choice of words, tone, and energy.

Violence can start with an argument, escalate to a brawl, and end with a bullet. Violence is triggered by many factors, but the most lethal weapon is your tongue. In an argument, you have the option to walk away, but you must have the last word. That last word could be just that unless you learn to deescalate a situation or simply walk away. Do you know how many fights were started over derogatory words or the common insult, “your mama”?

Oftentimes, it’s not what’s said but who said it. The wrong choice of words are responsible for many failed relationships, not just intimate ones. I can recall arguing with a former friend over the phone in the past. We both said some hurtful things to each other. I didn’t like what was said, but I didn’t like that it came from my friend more so. I’m sure she felt the same.

Words usually don’t hurt when they come from strangers. But when many of us feel disrespected, we’re ready to start a fire. You can definitely walk away from most of those instances. That parking spot does not call for a Glock, and that spot in line ain’t worth doing time. Him telling you he wasn’t moving didn’t hurt your feelings, it hurt your pride.

When used appropriately, words can be used to comfort, encourage, empower, inspire, uplift, and motivate. Words can make people feel loved, liked, appreciated, valued, and important. If you like to feel any of these ways, then choose your words wisely.

“If your words bring people down, then don’t expect anyone else’s to lift you up.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽