Awareness – Page 2 – Life Lessons

Toxic Relationships in a Toxic World

I’m not sure why anyone would want to stay in a toxic relationship, but it has indeed become the norm for many couples. You can judge by the featured photo how draining it can be. I guess the toxins of the earth is spilling over into relationships and contaminating good soil🤷🏽‍♀️. Regardless of the reason, it is unhealthy because high levels of toxicity can be damaging to your mind, body, and spirit.

Men and women alike enter one toxic relationship after another and often wonder why they never work out. If your doctor told you a particular food ingredient was threatening your life, would you continue to eat it? Unfortunately, evidence in the health and relationship realm proves that many have continued with their bad habits.

You can choose your battles in relationships or just let things be, but when the relationship itself is a daily battle, then it’s considered toxic. According to verywellmind, “a toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.” Please be mindful that toxic relationships are not limited to dating partners. As mentioned in previous blogs, it can exist within friendships and other alliances. However, I am going to focus on dating partners.

Let’s break down the meaning of a toxic relationship by defining its strong points. Whether it’s abuse, gaslighting, narcissism, selfishness, jealousy, or insecurity, each one falls under one of the four categories below.

Unsupported

Support is bigger than backing your decision to go back to school or start a business. Your partner must be willing to sacrifice time and endure emotional stress. Avoid applying pressure. Adapt to the changes, and pitch in where he or she can. Allow time for self care, and put some requests on hold.

A person can feel unsupported in many other aspects of life, such as with raising kids, budgeting and saving, planning and decision-making, resolving problems, defending one’s character, or simply standing up for that person when he or she feels attacked by family members or peers.

Failing to act or acting dishonorably can make one feel unsupported. If he’s jealous, he’s unsupportive. If she’s insecure, she’s unsupportive. If you are selfish, you are unsupportive. As you can see, the concept of being unsupportive has so many levels to it. A healthy relationship has no place for the latter.

Misunderstood

Gaslighting is a perfect way of making one feel misunderstood. Conversations and messages get misconstrued and twisted, causing self doubt. Narcissists are good at gaslighting. They are arrogant manipulators who don’t like to be wrong and often play the victim. They like to deflect and make you look like the fool or idiot, if you try to challenge or correct them.

It’s possible to feel misunderstood in any relationship, depending on the circumstances. However, if you’re left feeling misunderstood often, then communication and understanding are definitely tainted in your relationship.

Demeaned

Any words not spoken out of love or support can be demeaning. If he says, “you’re nothing without him,” that’s demeaning. If she says, “you’ll never get the promotion because you’re not smart enough,” that’s demeaning. If you often feel insulted or put down by your partner, you are being demeaned in that relationship.

Attacked

Let’s be clear. Correction is not a form of attack. You must be willing to accept constructive criticism in a healthy relationship. It is when correction is combined with aggression that makes it an attack. Nevertheless, an attack does not have to involve correction. It can verbal or physical abuse. Relationships of that sort present high enough levels of toxicity to be considered dangerous.

Toxic behavior can be treated, but the individual must be willing to undergo treatment and apply the necessary changes. If you are the partner, you must be patient and supportive. I believe any relationship can be saved, but not every relationship is worth it.

Your decision to stay in a toxic relationship is your choice, but your happiness depends on it.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. How Your Relationship Becomes Toxic by Lyle Evans

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Why are Men Intimidated by Alpha Females?

My definition of an alpha female is one who exudes a striking confidence based on strength, values, purpose, and priorities. Her caliber, intellect, and acumen score high on the quality chart. Dictionary.com describes the alpha female as “a powerful and successful woman , often in a leadership role. Alpha females are often described as intimidating by men and women alike.”

Aptitude + Attitude = Alpha

An alpha is not just a persona. It’s an attitude. Her demeanor is formidable, and her presence alone speaks volume. You can be a very successful and powerful CEO of a company getting abused or bullied by your significant other at home. Hence, that social strength and ability must transcend across multiple facets of life to be deemed an alpha female.

Titles such as queen, diva, baddie, or boss don’t make you alpha either, especially if you’re not living up to it. You are the one who can catch yourself when you fall (strength). You are the one who wants a man for companionship and love but does not need him to pay your bills (values). You are the one who finds your niche instead of a job (purpose). And you are the one who does not mix business with pleasure (priorities). All these traits make you powerful and successful, not just your job title or social status. You’re a leader in every role you play in life.

Why some males are intimidated by you?

The main reason could be that he may have insecurities. A woman of your caliber may make him feel insignificant and unworthy. When you make bread and are a winner, you’re a double threat. When you combine that with wanting him but not needing him, you become a triple threat. Your recipe is too strong for his taste because he feels as though he cannot complement you. Your strengths and abilities highlight his weaknesses and make him feel inferior. He may actually be your match, but your energy intimidates him. Your kind are usually unapproachable and impatient. Thus, his pickup line needs to be direct, original, and concise.

Alpha females, you don’t have to reduce yourself or lower your standards to find love. As long as he meets your requirements, learn to accept him at his current level, foster his plan, support his goals, let him lead, and provide guidance as needed. Most importantly, make him feel needed regardless if he’s a white or blue collar worker.

Qualified fellas, don’t let fear cause you to miss out on a great opportunity. She’s only protecting her throne. But make sure you rehearse those lines before bringing them to her table, and show no signs of weakness. Otherwise, she will surely reject you. Lastly, don’t be afraid to approach her in your work uniform because that is evidence that you are employed and socially responsible. If you can make her laugh or smile, that’s a plus!

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Flickr by Ria Ledevre

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I’m Fake All Day, But My Tears Are Real

Don’t be fooled by a person’s social media posts. It appears that most of us do not wear our hearts on our sleeves. I’m actually glad many of us don’t because some people’s posts would be so depressing. However, one needs a dose of good and bad to sustain a healthy living. What I mean is seeing that others might have it worst than you can make you appreciate your current situation.

People tend to fake like their happy, fake like their in a relationship, fake like their balling, and even fake like their in a profession that they’re not. Everyone who wears scrubs is not a nurse. Just as everyone who works with kids is not a school teacher. You can’t keep believing everything you see, then go wining to your husband or boyfriend of how you’d like your life to be. Most of the time, you might be happier than they are in your current situation.

Truth is, no one is one hundred percent happy all the time. People just don’t like to admit it. Happiness is a temporary feeling spawned by a favorable gesture, person, thing, or event. People are not happy when their loved one passes. People are usually not happy after a bad break-up or ugly divorce. People are not happy when their teenagers are out of control. People are not happy when they lose their jobs. People are not happy after having a car repossessed or foreclosing on a home. People are not happy after filing bankrupt. People are not quite happy when they’re flat broke. As you can see, there are several instances in life that can make one unhappy.

So before you begin to relish in other’s misfortunes, think about the times in life when you weren’t happy. Yeah, they’re posts might be fraudulent, but their tears are real. Some people yearn for attention and turn to social media for it. That might not be your approach, but it’s their way of coping with life. Maybe they are imagining themselves in a better situation with the hope of being in a better situation some day. We all do that at some point in life, just not on social media.

Remember, happiness is momentarily. When people look happy, they just might be – at the moment. Social media gives people another way of expressing their happiness, so let them be. In a world of cruelty and injustice, I love to see people smiling and enjoying life, even if they are faking it. Misery loves company and invites the most sinister behaviors. I’d rather view fake posts all day than some of the negativity I see getting glorified on social media.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!