The Nuances and Nuisances of Colorism

Imagine there were 50 shades of black. Then point to where you fall on the color spectrum. If your value depended on color, the lighter end of the spectrum, would you feel privileged or better than the others? Given the opportunity to think about it, you might say no. Color doesn’t matter. But your behavior often overshadows your beliefs. Otherwise, you would not identify as red bone, yellow bone, or fair skin. Beautiful Black Queen would suffice.

And when are we going to stop looking at the baby’s ear to determine his or her chances of turning dark? Why should the child’s color matter? Even if both parents are light skin , there is still a chance of the child having some color. I’ve seen it! We love to see color in television, pictures, art, outfits, hair, pretty much everything but skin complexion. We love it so much until we see it in ourselves.

I don’t care whether you are the darkest brown to the lightest brown, yellow, red, or in between, you are all beautiful. That’s what I love about us. We come in so many different shades and wear them all extremely well. How dare they say we all look alike!

I love to see my dark skin sisters in bright colors and dark or red hair.

I love to see my brown skin sisters in bright or warm colors with dark or honey blonde hair (#27 & #30).

I love to see my light skin sisters in dark colors and blonde hair.

I’m not putting limits on what you can wear and how you wear it. Do you! These are only examples of what I love to see. But what I love to see the most is a mixture of all shades in one group. Such a beautiful site to see!

Beauty is only skin deep….Is it really?

How come we don’t define other races’ beauty by their skin complexion? Is it that we have been programmed to believe that anyone who is lighter gets bonus beauty points by default? Is it that they check every box in the beauty department without question? (skin complexion, hair, facial features) I never hear my people highlight their skin complexion when judging their appearance. They are either attractive or unattractive, but their color typically never has anything to do with their judgment.

However, it’s not our fault. Society has separated us by color and shown more favor to people with lighter complexions. The issue is also present among Asians. But no one carries the burden like a dark-skinned, nappy-headed African American. So while you’re highlighting your light complexion in a harmless way, just remember that your dark skin child may not reap the same benefits as you. That tall, dark, and handsome man you chose may produce a darkie. And when he does, you’d better teach him or her that black is beautiful, and the two of you are no different. Remember, when that cop pulls you over, you’re still a nigger.

My Background

Growing up in my household, we were not separated by color. About half of us are light skin, and the other half is dark skin. Until this day, none of my light skin sisters identify as red bone or yellow bone. They don’t see a difference because it doesn’t change our race or who we are.

Our parents treated us all the same. I cannot recall one time in my life that my parents treated me any differently from my light skin sisters. I knew that I was loved and favored by all my family members.

Nevertheless, bad treatment among dark skin children is indeed common in some Black households or families, including daycares and schools.

What can we do about it?

Stop telling the Black woman she is cute for a dark skin chick. It’s not a compliment. It’s actually an insult. Either she’s cute or not, but her skin complexion shouldn’t have anything to do with it.

Stop letting your light skin complexion define your beauty. Drop the red bone and yellow bone. Those terms were used to separate us. Let your true beauty speak for itself. Besides, beauty comes in all shades.

This one is particularly for Black men. When referring to an attractive Black woman, stop putting emphasis on her light complexion first. I don’t think you mean any harm, and some of you may do it subconsciously, but you are part of the problem. Just say she’s an attractive Black woman🙄.

You can still have your preference. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you believe one looks better than the other based on color, then you’re color blind, brainwashed, and mentally enslaved.

Celebrity’s Choice

We can’t stop the rappers. Their job is to sell records. I don’t know what putting a light skin woman first has to do with it, but mentioning them as a color preference tends to be their favorite bars (lyrics).

Then your other favorite Black celebrities, who have the pick of the draw, go beyond color. They go for a whole different race. Again, that is their preference. But it does look like the more successful you are as a Black man, the more likely you are to choose a light skin woman, as if dark skin woman are not good enough.

Meanwhile, we’re trying to teach little dark skin girls that they are just as beautiful, but our own people are showing them that they are not the preferred choice. And you wonder why she has a hard time loving herself? It’s easy to say that people need to love themselves but can be harder to do when rejected by their own people.

People, you are entitled to a preference. I prefer vanilla ice cream over chocolate, and in my opinion, it does taste better. But we can’t treat each other like we treat ice cream. As Black people, we should all be able to share the same story, but we can’t because of the damage we’ve done to each other and what we have allowed from others.

To My Brown Skin Girls🗣️

Stop claiming melanin only when you think it matters, yet you return to skin lightening and contouring with makeup once the movement is over. Black power comes in all shades as well. I’m glad we can still come together for a freedom fight or to reform justice for one of our own, regardless of color, but the little battles within matter too. However, those start with You.

“Don’t let your light complexion create a misperception of who you are. Remember, every color has its own identity until mixed with black.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

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Everyone Has an Addiction

An addiction is not limited to substance abuse. It can be a healthy habit with negative consequences. Some people are addicted to helping people. My mom is one them. She’ll go the extra mile to the extent of exhaustion. That’s when it becomes a detriment.

What’s your drug? Everyone has one, be it eating, sleeping, exercising, shopping, or sex, you’re addicted to something.

No hobby or activity should compromise your health. Let me give you a few examples.

Eating

This one is most obvious. Therefore, I will not elaborate too much. Studies have shown the negative effects of eating too much of the wrong foods and not eating enough of the right foods.

Without research and statistics, your body has shown signs. Don’t ignore them. When your symptoms become conditions, you’ve gone into overdose.

Sleeping

You can’t solve your problems by sleeping. You must face them. If you’re sleeping too much, you’re trying to escape reality.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a long nap after getting bad news. Sometimes it helps to recharge your mind and settle your emotions. But when it becomes your lifestyle, it’s an illness.

You can’t say you’re productive if you’re sleeping all the time or too late every day. Your inventory isn’t going to move itself. You must sell it. Your credit will not repair or rebuild itself. You must work on it. And a job may not come to you. You have to search for one!

Exercising

Some people lose their minds when they can’t make it to that gym. While this might be a healthy addiction, it’s still an addiction. Exercising exudes a kind of peace that can calm the mind, body, and soul. But too much of it can divert your attention from other important matters. While you’re too focused on your body goals, you may be neglecting people you care about, projects you’re supposed to be working on, and etc. You need balance to maintain that banging body.

Shopping

This was once an addiction of mine. I made any excuse to do it. Being a tall girl, shopping can be more painful than joyful, but that surely didn’t stop me. Presently, I have more clothes, shoes, and handbags than closet space.

Sex

Believe it or not, some people are addicted to sex and just can’t get enough. A woman of this category might be called a “nymphomaniac” or “nympho” for short. A male of this nature could be called “satyromaniac”, which is derived from the condition called “satyriasis”. I won’t get into the many names or classifications of one with this addiction, but it could be the reason why you’re not enough🤷🏽‍♀️. O-k, I think I should move on from this subject. I suddenly hear silent justifications for cheating. Let me get out of your thoughts and on to the next paragraph🏃🏽‍♀️.

I know I haven’t covered them all, but I believe these are the most common, next to substance abuse. Any behavior you cannot control can become an addiction. Thus, it is important to address the behavior by working towards a remedy for change.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Stop Living Vicariously Through Your Children

Children are the biggest blessing one could ask for. There’s nothing more beautiful than having a child in your own image. It’s a bonus when they actually look like you. But must they live in your shadow with smoother edges?

You’re lucky if your child wants to be like you. But children should be allowed to have their own identity, and you should encourage that. If by chance they do follow in your footsteps, don’t ruin the experience by curating their lifestyle to fit your taste. Their life is no art show. It’s their life.

You can’t use them as a time machine to go back and do things differently or more fashionably. Continue to work on yourself, for that is the best example you can give them. They’ll appreciate that more than you trying to make their moves fit your groove.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your kids to look as good as you or better. Be smarter than you. Do more than you did. See things you didn’t. Go places you’ve never been. But when your heartfelt desires start putting too much pressure on them, you need to give them some time and space to think about what they want for their own lives.

Some men will go as far as signing their sons up for football when he might be better at baseball. It’s okay to keep them active, but let them choose their own sport.

Some women may encourage their daughters to join the dance team when she’d rather join the band. Does it matter which uniform she chooses as long as she’s involved in some extracurricular activity?

If you missed out on something your heart desired as a child, that does not make it okay to pursue or live it through your child. If she chooses to keep it simple for prom, then let her. If he chooses to go to prom alone, then let him. These are not acts of disobedience. They’re called choices.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are limits to choices. If you can afford to put your child in an excellent private school, but she prefers public school, that’s too bad. She shouldn’t have a choice, unless she can present valid reasons through research and other fact findings to defend her choice. Most kids won’t do that, by the way. Nevertheless, you must still be in agreement. Education is important. Her desire to wear street clothes, name brand, and exotic hair and nails to look cool is irrelevant.

If he doesn’t want to represent your alma mater, it should be okay as long as he is pursuing a good education and living his dream. If he chooses Alabama State Crimson Tide over the LSU Tigers, at least he’s still playing football.

Don’t kill their dreams with your agenda. Instead, celebrate their individuality and support their choices. You can find “me” in the word “dream”, but there are no alphabets that can form “you”.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Beauty Queen by Dancerdawg2luv

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