Author: Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson

In short, I'm a work of ART (Aptitude, Responsibility, & Talent). My goal is to Attract, Retain, and Teach an audience between the ages of 14 to about 50 and beyond the disciplines of life. I've been blessed with the gift of giving knowledge and creating peace within the souls of many who are starving for spiritual satisfaction. I'm no prophet, but I do believe that I am one of God's chosen spiritual leaders and sources of information on how to walk a straight path down a crooked road.

Protect Your Good Heart

You should show love to everyone who crosses your path, but be careful with whom you show care to. I’m not saying not to care at all. Just minimize it when it comes to strangers and those you are not well acquainted with. People will take your kindness for granted and bruise your heart with their selfish motives.

My Experience

At one time, I was an easy target to get over on. All you had to do was feed me a sad story, and I would figure out a way to help. I wasn’t a random selection. People sense when you are benevolent, especially when you showcase your noble character consistently. You may not seem likely to say no, and if this is so, then you must learn to.

I once received a direct message out of the blue from a former colleague. We were never friends, other than on social media, but we supported each other. She sold clothes. I sold books. The exchange was friendly and much appreciated on each end. I even went the extra mile and shared her new releases on social media often because I was inspired by her hustle. So when things started to get rough around the edges, I guess she figured I wouldn’t mind helping her out.

She pitched me this sad story about being stranded on the side of the road because of a mechanical breakdown. She claimed she had rolled over something and needed to pay for a part. She caught me at a busy time at work, so I didn’t get the full details and let the whole story digest. Otherwise, I would have asked, “Don’t you need the car towed to get the part installed?”

I didn’t bother about the details because I thought I was helping out a “seemingly” good person. She would always post her charity work and other acts of benevolence. Besides, the transaction was supposed to be a loan, not a grant. She had also claimed that she only needed my funds because hers was not accessible for some reason. Therefore, I was supposed to be getting my money back that same day. Needless to say, that never happened.

Long story short, she led me on for about a month before I realized she was never going to pay me back. She played so many games and told so many lies until I was convinced that she was a certified con artist and lunatic. By that time, I was so furious, my last text message to her was sharp enough to cut through steel. One of my friends, who was well acquainted with the perpetrator, said I went too hard because she was not mentally stable. However, she was stable and functional enough to plot and scheme. Therefore, I was unapologetic, especially after learning that she had asked several others for the same amount, using the same excuse. She had the board game mapped out. I was only one of her players.

We must stop playing the mental card every time someone commits a crime. Some people are mentally ill, whereas some are cunning, treacherous, or pure evil. Either way, no one is exempt from punishment.

Please understand that I am very aware and sensitive to mental health issues, for I have family members suffering with mental illness. I recently lost a brother-in-law who suffered with bipolar disorder and paranoia. But there is a significant difference between a con artist and one who’s bipolar, paranoid, or schizophrenic.

Their Problem is Not Your Problem

Help whomever you can whenever you can, but do not make his or her problem your problem. It’s not selfishness. It’s called protecting your peace. You cannot help everyone. You cannot save everyone. It’s not even your duty to do so because you are not God. Saying no is a way of practicing self-care, not selfishness. Even spiritual leaders turn down some assignments. Your inability or unwillingness to help someone will not reduce your character or shorten your blessings. God knows your heart.

Nevertheless, if you watch someone fall or suffer when you could have been a blessing, your heart has become contaminated. Use your gift of discernment when helping others, but don’t ever ignore your call of duty. Obedience has no limits.

Don’t Lend, Just Give

I learned that it is better to just give instead of lend. It removes the element of anger or disappointment when that person cannot or will not pay you back. You’ll also feel more like a blessing than a bank when doing so. Either give your due tithe/offering or an amount that will not hurt your pockets. However, if you already have a good lending relationship with some people, there’s no need to change the terms now. Still, don’t lend an amount you may miss because the borrower’s promise to pay back can always be compromised by some unforeseen event or extenuating circumstance. That’s why professional lenders require collateral.

I’ve been a borrower, lender, and giver. The latter has always felt better because borrowers have to beg and lenders risk losing, but givers receive the priceless gift of peace, amongst other things. Giving a provides a kind of peace that removes the anxiety from borrowing and pressure from lending. Try it!

The Lessons

In the case of the con artist, I made peace with the situation and accepted the loss a long time ago. Anger only adds to stress and steals your joy. Thus, I have forgiven her wholeheartedly. The lessons learned from that instance is to never let someone else’s problem create an urgency on your part, if that person is not in your circle of love, and always be prepared to give what God has placed on your heart. Nonetheless, if ever you are uncertain, especially with all the scams nowadays, always pray for guidance first.

Have a heart, but be smart.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Heart by Evelien Noens

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

You Don’t Owe Your Grown Kids Anything

Your parenting skills haven’t been tested until that one child pushes your button. It’s easy to raise an obedient child with a good attitude. Some kids don’t require much discipline. You can pat yourself on the back and say, “job well done”, until you get that child who can really “test your gangster”, as some would say. In the urban dictionary, this translates to “test your patience”.

The Lesson is Your Weapon

The biggest gift you can give a child is unconditional love, but that should not create lifetime expenses. A good parent instills morals and values in early childhood to prepare his or her child for the life ahead. We become teachers, counselors, and mentors by default, hoping they would remember the valuable life lessons taught. We invest in their education, talent, and dreams so they can become independent and responsible adults. So if your children ever seem ungrateful, revert them back to those lessons you taught them. If you don’t make them accountable, the world certainly will.

Entitlement

After you have given your children life, love, and lessons, you don’t owe them anything else. When you gave them birth, you accepted your assignment. You show love by supporting them in every aspect of life. However, you do not owe them your life. The lessons you taught them were meant to be applied so they wouldn’t make excuses in their path to achieving greatness. You’ve given your children the tools. It’s up to them to use those tools.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving your kids a head start, but it’s up to them to finish. I’ve seen kids from good, well-structured homes make bad decisions and kids from bad or poorly-structured homes make good decisions. The only kids who should feel entitled are those who did not have a good childhood or were robbed of some of the most precious years of their lives. No kid deserves the trauma created from bad parenting, abuse, violence, hostile situations, unforeseen tragedies, or the like.

If you can attest to giving your children the best childhood experience under the circumstances you were afforded, then you owe them nothing but unconditional love. I’m not talking about children with mental health issues. I’m not talking about children with disabilities. And of course, I’m not talking about kids who have been traumatized. I’m talking about those able-body, mentally capable, ungrateful, lazy, and spoiled kids who think the world should be handed to them on a silver platter.

I’m not saying their childhood should match yours. What good parent wouldn’t want better for his or her kids? But you don’t have to spend the rest of your life trying to make up for what you couldn’t do for them as kids in their adulthood. You’ve done the best you could to give them a better life, and that should be enough for them to love and respect you for life.

There is no perfect parent or perfect style of parenting. What works for one child may not work for the other, and sometimes you must sacrifice spending time with your kids for earning money. But you must also communicate your need to make such sacrifices with your kids and make time for them. You can’t expect a “kid” to understand “adult” sacrifices. So if you’ve been absent for most of their childhood, then you should be trying to bond with them now. However, don’t become a bail bond and feel compelled to pay all their bills and raise their children.

The Pity Party

If you won’t entertain anyone else’s pity party, then don’t entertain your kids’. Oftentimes, it’s a ploy to get what they want. “Daddy wasn’t there”, “Nobody loves me”, “Nobody cares about me”, “Such and such mom or dad bought him a car”, “I’m not like you”, blah, blah, blah.

Kids will come up with 101 reasons why you should honor their requests, and as long as you fulfill them, you’re the best parent in the world. If you don’t, you might be considered the worst. Quit letting them make you feel like less than a good parent, and show them some tough love.

Kids are smarter than you think, and if you let them outsmart you, you’ll be taking care of them for life. Stop being a crutch and teach them responsibility and accountability. There’s nothing wrong with welcoming them back to the nest, but make them get a job and help pay bills, even if you don’t need their help. Only full-time students should get a pass.

The cost of living is way too expensive for one to make excuses. Disabled and some mentally challenged people go to work with the best attitudes every day. So there’s no excuse for your able-body, mentally capable children to be absorbing your hard-earned dollars and resources in adulthood. They’ll be the ones fighting over your estate when you’re gone.

Teach your kids to L.E.A.P. (Learn, Earn, Adapt, & Pray).

But don’t give up on them either.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Angry gal by Wil Batista

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

A Message to My Followers

I’m taking a break this week because I’ve been inundated with preparing my youngest child for his high school graduation. It’s been a challenging journey, but I’m glad we’ve made it to the finish line.

I’d like to thank each of you from reading and engaging with my blogs. Your attention to my content is much appreciated. I hope I’ve helped you to overcome some obstacles in your life and become a better person, while keeping you entertained as well.

Reflection

I want you to remember the lessons discussed in the previous weeks and apply them to your life, so I will provide a brief recap of a few of the hot topics.

Don’t Limit Yourself with your tongue, bad habits, distractions, and by making excuses. You don’t have to be a giant to reach for the stars. You just need faith, willpower, and commitment.

Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Find Yourself. Seek help from a professional and comfort and support from trusted family members and friends. Otherwise, your coping mechanism will become a lifestyle that can destroy you.

Learn To Be Happy In That Moment or live with grief and regret. Practice changing your thoughts and making yourself happy. Doses of happiness can lead to a lifetime of joy and peace.

A Real Friend Is Good To Have when you find yourself losing yourself trying to cope with any type of grief. Don’t be afraid to let someone in. Emotional exhaustion is a “human” experience.

Fake Friends Can Be A Real Problem because they are toxic, and toxins are known to destroy the body. A fake friend is nothing more than a parasite eating away at your life. If you value your mind, body, and spirit, detoxify your circle immediately.

Self Correction Is The Best Remedy For Change because no one can control your demons but you. Rebuke the evil spirit that lives within you so you can become a better version of yourself.

Your Best Look Is Maturity because ignorance is not fashionable. Like it or not, you are judged by how you react, not what you react to.

Kill Them With Confidence because your self-worth, dignity, reputation, and peace hold more value than someone’s worthless opinion.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”