Author: Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson

Have you ever been in competition with someone and didn’t know it? He or she is cheering for you on the sideline but chopping you up like seasoning in the kitchen! You’d never think that those who appear to be your biggest fans would be out to burn you like toast and roast you like chicken. While you are trying to make it to the finish line, your competitor is throwing stones. You’ll always have competition, and that’s fine. But when the competitor is your close friend or relative, it’s foul!

In a competition, respect is gained or lost, and the battle is either fair or unfair. Companies compete against each other all the time, especially in retail. For example, virtually every cell phone company claims to have better coverage or connectivity. That’s fair. However, a competition that is done in vain is unfair. Of course two friends or relatives can knowingly compete against one another, as long as the intent is not for one to knock the other down maliciously. When I was a part of a network marketing organization, I had a strong team. Though I was the head, we were all still in competition with one another. Nevertheless, we supported each other wholeheartedly. It motivated me to see my team members moving at the same pace as myself or faster. It actually made me happier to see the people I brought aboard doing better than myself. Success feels better when someone else benefits. If your team members are winning, it certainly does not mean you are losing. There’s no “I” in team. Nonetheless, the bad part about having success at the expense of others is when your team members cannot keep up. When the game becomes unfair, someone may need to quit, but it most certainly does not have to be you if you’ve played fair all along. You are never accountable for someone else’s failure if you taught them how to play the game.

So how I can tell if my support is out of love or hate?

Most of the time, you can’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t need me to tell you. Anyone who shows evidence of not wanting to see you get ahead is clearly not a fan of you. Oftentimes, you will not find this out unless the two of you have a big altercation or someone with this information shares it with you. I can imagine that you’d want to know who is hating on you, but you should be mindful of who is sharing such information with you. It too can be done in vain. For instance, if the person sharing the information is supposed to be a close friend of your friend or relative as well, he or she cannot be trusted. Jealous people will stir up dissension between two good friends or relatives just to secure their place or take yours. However, if this is not the case and the information adds up to your instincts, interrogations should start immediately. Over time, a hater will begin to reveal some tell-tale signs. For example, if your friend withheld information about a position you verbally expressed interest in, there’s your prospect. To make matter worse, if that friend could have helped you get the position, there’s your poison.

How do I defeat this person without retaliating?

One thing to remember is that a person of this character does not deserve the time and energy it takes to seek revenge. If you really want to ruffle some feathers, work harder towards achieving your goals by spending more time taking the necessary steps and less time talking to your hater. You’d be surprised at how far you can get after curing such disease. Before you know it, you’ll be at the finish line smiling from ear to ear, while your hater is sucking teeth and bleeding jealousy.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Photo: Flickr. Revenge by Dan BrickleyCC

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