July 2024 – Life Lessons

He’s Not Yours

From woman to woman, he’s not yours and never will be. So, it’s best to leave him alone before the situation calls for a serious conversation neither you are ready to have about an issue that may require tissue.

So, you’re having fun right? At least, that’s what you say. I hear women use that as an excuse for their actions all the time. I don’t want to hear about men do it all the time or you’re just “doing you”. It’s all fun and games until you accidentally fall in love.

It’s true. Men do cheat all the time and have done so for a long time, but this particular blog is not about them. It’s about us because we instill morals and values in our children at an early age. We teach our little girls how to sit, dress, talk, and act in public.

We teach them the value of being a woman and to know our worth. But the lessons that make the biggest impacts are those we show them. If you think your daughter doesn’t have sense enough to know what’s going on, many times, you are wrong.

She knows why he can’t stay for dinner. She knows why he can’t make her track meet. She knows why she’s never met any of his relatives or friends. She knows that he ain’t for you.

I can’t say I agree with all these podcasters’ take on dating women today, but I can tell you you’ll never get the same respect as men for doing what they do. It’s not fair and never has been but neither is life. Besides, you need to think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You certainly wouldn’t have positive thoughts of that woman. We must stop believing these men when they say they’re going to leave their wives or significant others.

So what he told you he loves you. He tells her that too. Love is just a four letter word without action. There’s no way he can fully execute his love for you as long as he’s still with her. The lie always feels better than the truth until he gives you the boot.

Sis, give it up…..He’s not yours.

Do you ever stop to think that the way he got with you could be the same way he leaves you as well? It happens all the time. Even if you do manage to stay together, your relationship won’t be a fairy tale. There will forever be trust issues because of how the two of you got together.

“Why settle for less when you deserve the best? You’re worth more than sloppy seconds. Wipe your tears and learn from this lesson.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Allow Yourself To Be Yourself

What exactly is an exceptional human being? Is it one who’s perfect or does everything right? Or is it one with the perfect public demeanor but an evil spirit? Society puts too many expectations on us to be perfect. Truth is, none of us is.

Think about the grading scale for starters. You’re not an exceptional student unless you make straight A’s. You’re not a scholar unless you go to college. You’re not the exceptional college student unless you graduate with honors!

Then there’s Black, White, and Brown. Even though black fortifies all colors, you’re not an exceptional negro unless you can entertain. Then once you become famous, you get stripped of your voice, choices, and natural being. Your contract compromises your loyalty. Your dating partner perpetuates the stereotype that comes with status. You might become exceptional, but your realness becomes rare.

So where does the typical, every day working-class citizen fit on the spectrum of exceptional? No where because you’re rare. You don’t try to meet anyone else’s standards and requirements because you set your own. You don’t care about appealing to the public’s eyes because you’re a private person. You don’t care about anyone else’s perception because it might change your direction. And you don’t let society shape your opinion about things because you have your own mind.

Can you be rare and exceptional?

Absolutely! But it’s by default not pressure. What I mean is that your natural knack for something can earn you credit. It doesn’t always have to be competitive. The quiet, reserved kid often gains popularity for gaining a title he didn’t have to fight for. However, he gets crowned exceptional for being highly intelligent. In my opinion, an exceptional person is one who wins a race without trying hard.

Why I choose to be rare over exceptional?

Because I answer to no one. If I don’t agree with a societal norm, no one can tell me I can’t. I don’t conform to the norm. If I make a mistake because I’m not having a good day, no one can reduce my credibility. I’ve already taken ownership and apologized for it. If I change my mind about something, no one can call me inconsiderate because I have a strong track record for honoring requests.

I get to be myself in public because nothing about the real me is private. I don’t care that some people think I’m mean because I must be careful of who I’m nice to. I actually like not being approachable because it can send the wrong message to people with evil intentions.

Quit letting society define who you are. You don’t need to be liked by everyone. People will chew you up and spit you out the moment you fail to keep up your facade. If you had to compete to get where you are, then you’ll have to fight to stay there.

“Every one of us is exceptional in God’s eyes, but only the rare ones keep his commandments.”

-Bianca McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Body Positivity or Insecurity?

So, we’re just classless nowadays, aren’t we? I guess more skin is the trend. Instead of calling it what it really is, we’d rather label it as “body confidence”. However, I never knew confidence came at the expense of disrespecting yourself.

You can call it whatever you want to, but I’m going to call it what it is. Unless your profession involves prostitution, stripping, or the like, then your confidence is creating confusion. Confident women sell class, not ass.

I can remember when spandex was enough. It grips your figure and accentuates your curves. If sexy was what you were going for, then spandex was all you needed. When worn right, it gives just enough without giving too much.

When you leave nothing to the imagination, you’re exhibiting an insecurity, not confidence, body positivity, or whatever you’d prefer to call it. Confident women don’t need to advertise their body parts to make a statement. Their walk alone speaks volume.

I’m not criticizing. I’m correcting because we all need that. As a woman, I’ve had my own insecurities, but I never addressed them by putting my body parts on display. I’m not saying I’ve never shown cleavage or stepped just a little outside my comfort zone, but I’ve never made it my daily uniform. Moreover, my behavior did not change.

Today, I see too much “body” but much less “beauty”. I’m not referring to looks, for that type of beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The beauty of a woman is made up of so much more than looks. Beauty is behavior and attitude. That’s what makes you attractive. Case in point: Let’s say two identical women are dressed the same. Yet one is loquacious, defensive, and aggressive, whereas the other one is peaceful, positive, and patient. Which one would you consider beautiful then?

Nowadays, most people don’t pay much attention to what you’re wearing until you start acting out. That’s when your lack of confidence starts to show. You want to be seen and heard but not judged. I regret to inform you that you’re judged on so much more than what you wear.

You’re judged on how well you can carry on an adult conversation. You’re judged on how well you perform on your job. You’re judged by insurance companies on how well you drive. You’re also judged on how well you can tell the lie your lawyer crafted for you. So why shouldn’t you be judged according to the way you dress?

The “little” you wear says a “lot” about you. You’re easy to spot but hard to please because you have so many demands. Women who have many demands usually bring nothing to the table, other than what they’re already showcasing. If wearing less makes you feel good about yourself, then you have some serious soul searching to do. Once you find yourself, people will then see below the surface.

“The body seeks what true beauty speaks.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽