August 2023 – Life Lessons

Lifetime Friendship

Does it even exist anymore? I expect to see breakups among intimate partners, but I have never seen so many long term friendships become terminal. My mom still keeps in contact with friends from childhood and so do I. Love, loyalty, and longevity are our key ingredients.

I can tell from social media posts that many friendships don’t have that anymore. Maybe the dynamics of friendship have changed. Or, maybe people have changed. Let’s discuss…

What is Lifetime Friendship?

My definition of a lifetime friendship is one in which the bond created between two friends is never broken by change or challenges, yet strengthened with love and communication. Simple as that. There are no clauses or contingencies. Either you are a loyal friend or not.

An individual can become your lifetime friend at any point in your life, not just childhood. Three of my lifetime friends did not enter my life until I was 20 years old. We connected from day one and have not lost contact since. We’ve been friends for a long time and will continue the friendship no matter what.

I’ve been there for them, and they have been there for me. But you know something? We never talked and texted daily after we stopped working together. There were also extended periods where we hadn’t spoken, minus holidays and birthdays. When social media became a thing, it replaced many of our phone conversations.

Nevertheless, I never had to wonder if they were still my friends. I never felt any distance because they had a special place in my heart. When it did get to a point where we hadn’t spoken in a while, then one of us would break the ice and reach out.

Whenever we reconnected, we simply picked up where we left off. That same joy, laughter, and cheer sparked in every conversation. We’d talk about how much we love and miss each other without expressing any resentment. Good vibes only.

Is True friendship the same as Lifetime Friendship?

No. A true friendship is one in which loyalty is exhibited, but it may only be seasonal. Lifetime friendship is a type of true friendship. Unlike seasonal friendship, it does not have an expiration date.

I have been in quite a few true friendships that were only seasonal, lasting only for the duration in which went to school or worked together. However, we never argued or fell out. We just lost contact a few years after attending school or work together, and the connection just somehow weakened, or we grew apart.

If you ever need to question a friendship, then it probably isn’t real. You must sense jealousy, envy, hate or discord. At that point, you should reach out to your friend by phone or a meetup, if you do not believe the tone of your message will be received properly.

Rare but Valuable

Lifetime friends will respect your boundaries and distance without ever losing love for you.

They accept your flaws and all.

They love you endlessly and fight your battles with you.

They give sound advice and never gossip about you.

They are not perfect, but they are accountable and will hold you accountable.

They treat you the same as other lifetime friends, regardless of when you came into their lives.

They are always just a phone call or text message away whenever you need them, even if they hadn’t heard from you in a while.

Consequently, that type of friend is hard to find nowadays. The one who engages with you the most on social media is not your lifetime friend or even true friend. He or she is only a follower. Know the difference.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Something captured cyour interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

Mental Disability or Accountability?

A therapist can give you a clinical diagnosis of your behavior or feelings and strategies for overcoming them. But, let’s face it. Everyone is not battling with mental health issues. Some people are battling with morality issues. Others are weaponizing their mental disabilities.

Regular therapy sessions are meant to help you cope with your mental condition, not weaponize it. Thus, there’s no excuse for your abuse to others. Take full responsibility and accountability for your actions.

Every time you make a bad decision, you can’t keep blaming it on your mental state. You choose to deflect instead of accept the fact that you were wrong. I’m sure your therapist told you to take some responsibility and how to appropriately address the situation so you can heal. That’s their job. Your job is to listen and apply what you’ve learned.

Too many people in the world are gaslighting instead of igniting their inner strength to change their behavior. Regardless of your mental state, you need to learn to accept accountability for how you treat people.

No disorder should prevent you from acknowledging your role in any given situation or simply apologizing for your actions. If therapy and medication are not helping you with accountability, then you need prayer and supplication as well. Then you’ll have the trinity: spirit, therapy, and medication.

Nowadays, every behavioral trait has a clinical name. We’re putting more faith in what experts have to say instead of what God has been saying. No one can transform you but Him. Spiritual research reveals:

You can’t always have your way.

You can’t keep lying to people.

You can’t keep playing the victim.

You can’t always have the last word.

You can’t always be right.

You can’t always be first.

You can’t keep starting fights, yet expect to have a peaceful life.

Your disorder comes from thinking:

Everyone else is toxic.

Everyone else is disloyal.

Everyone else is untrustworthy.

Everyone else is unfaithful.

Everyone else is untruthful.

Everyone else is dishonest.

Everyone else is selfish.

Everyone else is narcissistic.

Everyone else is judgmental.

You sound like a saint, and no one can claim that title – not even priests and nuns.

Stop leaving yourself out of the equation of every altercation, disagreement, or misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter whether you come before or after a given sign, you’re still apart of the equation.

You can add (+) value with accountability. This is the best way to get someone’s attention and reduce tension.

You can eliminate (-) negative energy or unnecessary chatter by not reacting or overreacting. The person is easier to reason with when calm. This is your opportunity to get to the root of the problem by asking specific questions. Oftentimes, silence alone can kill many arguments.

You can intensify (*) an argument by involving others, bringing up irrelevant information, jumping to conclusions, using a negative tone, attacking the person instead of the problem, and etc.

You can always divide (/) and conquer. Every action does not deserve a reaction, especially when it comes from total strangers. You must learn to walk away.

Continue your therapy sessions. I fully support your remedy for mental reconstruction and self improvement. But if you’re checking every box except accountability, then now is the time to start.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Something captured cyour interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

What’s Your Purpose in Life?

Whether or not it has been discovered yet, you were born with a purpose. Purpose is your spiritual responsibility and service to society or the universe. Are you doing what you want to do or what you were called to do? It’s an important question because we were all given an assignment to complete before leaving earth.

Oftentimes, purpose is discovered within a gift. A gift is unique quality acquired naturally. Sometimes others see it in you before you do. Nevertheless, it’s up to you to cultivate it.

Gifts aren’t always as desirable as one would like, but they usually have the biggest impacts. For example, many preachers did not dream of serving in that way, but they bless so many people with their sermons and other religious or spiritual services.

In fact, using a gift to serve with purpose can actually become burdensome if you don’t know when and how to say no. You must also know when to take a break.

Talent can count as purpose as well. Though it may be a hobby for you, it can be a gift to someone else. For example, making wigs for cancer patients is a great way to serve with your talent. Cancer survivors like to switch up too. I know my deceased sister did. When she felt like having hair, she had a large collection to choose from, which was as beautiful as she.

Like gifts, talents can become burdensome when used to serve with purpose as well. An enjoyable activity can easily become a nuisance when it starts to feel like a job, and you’re not getting paid for it. That takes the fun out of it.

My husband refuses to monetize his passion for cooking or commit to a series of scheduled events. He does it out of pure love whenever it’s convenient for him.

If your purpose is also your passion and it’s paying, good for you! But if your purpose feels painful, then you should adjust your attitude about it and put the needs of others before pity.

Practice vs Purpose

What you practice could be your career or personal interest. It’s what you “choose” to do. I wouldn’t refer to a job as a practice because it may not be something you choose or like to do. It may just be something you must do to sustain a living or pay some bills until you get into your career.

You’re Special

You should never feel insignificant once you’ve discovered your purpose in life. No one else can do what you can exactly the way you do it. You are too unique and incredible to ever go unnoticed. Don’t be stingy with your gift. Share it with the world!

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!