Last week’s blog was entitled, Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Find Yourself. It basically talked about the dangers of trying to cope with emotional distress which can lead to emotional exhaustion, if not treated properly. Emotional exhaustion is what occurs when one becomes burned out from trying to deal with stress on his or her own.
I can’t tell you who to trust, but you must learn to trust someone. I find that people struggle with defining real friendships nowadays, and I can see why. However, if you do have someone deemed a “real” friend, now is the time to test the waters. A real friend is one who is trustworthy, honest, caring, selfless, loyal, unbias, nonjudgmental, and has empathy and your best interest at heart. Plus, he or she is not jealous or envious in any way.
Over the years, numerous conversations I’ve had about friendships revealed that so many people have either toxic or empty friendships. A toxic friendship is poisonous, whereas an empty friendship is purposeless. If you haven’t learned to identify and dispose of the two, they will only add to your emotional exhaustion. Quit letting negative energy into your space and expecting positive outcomes. One who is not a real friend is a real distraction.
“I called and she came through like a real friend would”….
I lost one of my oldest sisters to cancer and a close brother-in-law to sudden death within five months apart. I was just learning to cope with my sister’s death before my brother-in-law’s death came as a real shock. I was not mentally prepared for another death in my family and certainly did not intend to wrap up 2021 with another funeral. My emotions were all over the place, as I managed to be strong for my kids and husband. There was already a lot going on with the pandemic and all, and death did not make it any better.
After I had become emotionally exhausted from playing “Perfect Patty” from Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married?, I decided it was time to let someone in. This was a tough decision for me because I suppress my emotions so I can counsel others. But what about me? I had to ask myself. Which of my friends can I trust and confide in with my feelings, who is also a good listener and will actually make time for me as I often do for others? When I thought of more than two, I realized how blessed I am to have a healthy circle of friends I can count on, when many don’t have one.
When you are experiencing a tough time in your life, call up that friend. Take people up on their offers to help you when they tell you, “I’m here for you, if you need me.” Don’t take that lightly. Make them accountable, or don’t call them your friends. When my sister died, I felt a kind of pain I had never felt before. When my friends learned of the sad news, they made offers and I gladly accepted them. Whenever God sends his disciples to bless you in a time of need, embrace them with grace.
If you are a good person and the friendship is genuine, you’d be surprised at how eager someone is to do something for you. The friend I called not only listened, but she drove over 60 miles, in the midst of high gas prices, to spend a day with me. She scheduled her visit with me and did not renege or make excuses. Like myself, she has a busy life as well, but she made time. Upon her arrival, we talked, laughed, ate, and listened to good music. The vibe was cool and friendly. We never left the house. We just enjoyed each other’s company in a closed space.
That was much needed, good therapy for me. Thankfully, I’ve never needed to hire a therapist. Between my husband, family, and friends, I get all the love and attention I need. But most importantly, I have learned to make self-care a priority in my life. You should do the same.
And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”
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