Black on Black Criticism

I know we’re not the only people to criticize our own, but we are a minority group – the most oppressed one at that. Black men can’t be faithful. Black women are classless. And the negative stereotypes we attack each other with go on and on.

Isn’t it enough that other races do it to us? In my own personal experience in the workplace, I’ve tried to be extra careful with my delivery in communications so I wouldn’t be referred to as “the angry Black woman”. But how come we don’t hear stuff like, “the rude Hispanic woman”, “the condescending or sarcastic White man”, or “the antisocial Asian”? Instead, we often hear people say stuff like, “Oh, that’s just how they are in their culture”. I’ve even found myself saying that. So, how come our behavior is never just a reflection of our culture? Since we’re making excuses for one another.

Let’s talk about a few of these stereotypes and how we can become better as a people.

Black men cheat

Of course they do. But they are not the only ones. I never knew cheating was limited to one small group of people. If you do some research or just look around, then you’ll find that all races cheat, not just Black people.

People from all walks of life cheat, including the LGBTQIA community. It’s not a Black problem. It’s a human problem.

Black men abandon their children

First, this is not limited to the Black man. Women of all races abandon children too. In fact, she does so every time she makes the decision to put a child up for adoption. And the most clever way of abandoning the responsibility of raising a child is by having an abortion.

Second, Black men do not abandon children. They abandon relationships, and the children suffer as a result. Women often use the child as a weapon. What better way to hurt a man? If the children were such a burden, then you’d let them go stay with their father. But you refuse because then you won’t qualify for child support.

I know responsible men who didn’t deserve to be put on child support, and I also know some deadbeats who did deserve it. I know couples who let the court decide and couples who didn’t need to. What about the Black men taking care of kids that are not his? Or the Black men who provide for his kids but never get to spend time with them because he’s always working?

It is very true that some Black men do abandon their children, but to say all Black men do is just unfair. Anytime you do not quantify the statement by saying “some” or “many”, you are generalizing an entire group with a negative stereotype.

Both men and women need to take responsibility. You are adult to know the risks of having sexual intercourse without protection. You should also pick your partners wisely, even if it is a one-night stand. You can’t go around blaming others for your mistakes or poor decisions. How can you teach your children to do so when you don’t? Lead by example.

It amazes me at how many guys get called bums and girls get called whores after the damage is already done. Most of the time, people know who they are dealing with before they get to the point of intimacy, which usually doesn’t take long.

Ladies, you thought nothing of his bum status when you saw him with his t-shirt off sweating on that basketball court in those gray sweatpants. Fellas, you cared nothing about her body count or character when you saw those jeans sprayed on her or how she was twerking in the club with that short dress on.

It’s fair to say that humans abandon their common sense and make impulsive decisions.

Black women have bad attitudes

So do Hispanic women, White women, and Asian women with the right triggers. Black women usually have more triggers. Oftentimes, we’re defensive because we’re defenseless in a world against us. We’re not privileged and never have been.

Black women are classless

What if we said Black men were asses? You’re insulting your own mother, if she’s a Black woman. It’s ridiculous to turn around and say you’re not talking about your own mother when making a statement like that, when you didn’t quantify it. I can agree that many women today are classless. I can even agree that many Black women today are classless, if we’re talking about a specific group of people. I can’t deny the truth.

But it’s a shame we have so many Black male podcasters attacking Black woman, when their platform should be used to uplift Black women. I’m never personally offended by any of their messages or any related social media posts I see because I know I don’t fit the descriptions. However, several women are sensitive to those negative messages.

If you don’t have a solution, then there’s no sense in just discussing the issue. Or at least address the issue with positive discussions.

Message 🗣️

Instead of making everything a Black problem, let’s call it what it really is – a human problem. Some issues are race or gender-specific. However, the aforementioned have nothing to do with race or gender. In order for us to grow as a people, we need to do less criticizing and more collaborating.

“A generational curse starts with a generational belief. If we set a negative tone for the next generation, then what have we achieved?”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

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The Nuances and Nuisances of Colorism

Imagine there were 50 shades of black. Then point to where you fall on the color spectrum. If your value depended on color, the lighter end of the spectrum, would you feel privileged or better than the others? Given the opportunity to think about it, you might say no. Color doesn’t matter. But your behavior often overshadows your beliefs. Otherwise, you would not identify as red bone, yellow bone, or fair skin. Beautiful Black Queen would suffice.

And when are we going to stop looking at the baby’s ear to determine his or her chances of turning dark? Why should the child’s color matter? Even if both parents are light skin , there is still a chance of the child having some color. I’ve seen it! We love to see color in television, pictures, art, outfits, hair, pretty much everything but skin complexion. We love it so much until we see it in ourselves.

I don’t care whether you are the darkest brown to the lightest brown, yellow, red, or in between, you are all beautiful. That’s what I love about us. We come in so many different shades and wear them all extremely well. How dare they say we all look alike!

I love to see my dark skin sisters in bright colors and dark or red hair.

I love to see my brown skin sisters in bright or warm colors with dark or honey blonde hair (#27 & #30).

I love to see my light skin sisters in dark colors and blonde hair.

I’m not putting limits on what you can wear and how you wear it. Do you! These are only examples of what I love to see. But what I love to see the most is a mixture of all shades in one group. Such a beautiful site to see!

Beauty is only skin deep….Is it really?

How come we don’t define other races’ beauty by their skin complexion? Is it that we have been programmed to believe that anyone who is lighter gets bonus beauty points by default? Is it that they check every box in the beauty department without question? (skin complexion, hair, facial features) I never hear my people highlight their skin complexion when judging their appearance. They are either attractive or unattractive, but their color typically never has anything to do with their judgment.

However, it’s not our fault. Society has separated us by color and shown more favor to people with lighter complexions. The issue is also present among Asians. But no one carries the burden like a dark-skinned, nappy-headed African American. So while you’re highlighting your light complexion in a harmless way, just remember that your dark skin child may not reap the same benefits as you. That tall, dark, and handsome man you chose may produce a darkie. And when he does, you’d better teach him or her that black is beautiful, and the two of you are no different. Remember, when that cop pulls you over, you’re still a nigger.

My Background

Growing up in my household, we were not separated by color. About half of us are light skin, and the other half is dark skin. Until this day, none of my light skin sisters identify as red bone or yellow bone. They don’t see a difference because it doesn’t change our race or who we are.

Our parents treated us all the same. I cannot recall one time in my life that my parents treated me any differently from my light skin sisters. I knew that I was loved and favored by all my family members.

Nevertheless, bad treatment among dark skin children is indeed common in some Black households or families, including daycares and schools.

What can we do about it?

Stop telling the Black woman she is cute for a dark skin chick. It’s not a compliment. It’s actually an insult. Either she’s cute or not, but her skin complexion shouldn’t have anything to do with it.

Stop letting your light skin complexion define your beauty. Drop the red bone and yellow bone. Those terms were used to separate us. Let your true beauty speak for itself. Besides, beauty comes in all shades.

This one is particularly for Black men. When referring to an attractive Black woman, stop putting emphasis on her light complexion first. I don’t think you mean any harm, and some of you may do it subconsciously, but you are part of the problem. Just say she’s an attractive Black woman🙄.

You can still have your preference. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you believe one looks better than the other based on color, then you’re color blind, brainwashed, and mentally enslaved.

Celebrity’s Choice

We can’t stop the rappers. Their job is to sell records. I don’t know what putting a light skin woman first has to do with it, but mentioning them as a color preference tends to be their favorite bars (lyrics).

Then your other favorite Black celebrities, who have the pick of the draw, go beyond color. They go for a whole different race. Again, that is their preference. But it does look like the more successful you are as a Black man, the more likely you are to choose a light skin woman, as if dark skin woman are not good enough.

Meanwhile, we’re trying to teach little dark skin girls that they are just as beautiful, but our own people are showing them that they are not the preferred choice. And you wonder why she has a hard time loving herself? It’s easy to say that people need to love themselves but can be harder to do when rejected by their own people.

People, you are entitled to a preference. I prefer vanilla ice cream over chocolate, and in my opinion, it does taste better. But we can’t treat each other like we treat ice cream. As Black people, we should all be able to share the same story, but we can’t because of the damage we’ve done to each other and what we have allowed from others.

To My Brown Skin Girls🗣️

Stop claiming melanin only when you think it matters, yet you return to skin lightening and contouring with makeup once the movement is over. Black power comes in all shades as well. I’m glad we can still come together for a freedom fight or to reform justice for one of our own, regardless of color, but the little battles within matter too. However, those start with You.

“Don’t let your light complexion create a misperception of who you are. Remember, every color has its own identity until mixed with black.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

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He’s Not Yours

From woman to woman, he’s not yours and never will be. So, it’s best to leave him alone before the situation calls for a serious conversation neither you are ready to have about an issue that may require tissue.

So, you’re having fun right? At least, that’s what you say. I hear women use that as an excuse for their actions all the time. I don’t want to hear about men do it all the time or you’re just “doing you”. It’s all fun and games until you accidentally fall in love.

It’s true. Men do cheat all the time and have done so for a long time, but this particular blog is not about them. It’s about us because we instill morals and values in our children at an early age. We teach our little girls how to sit, dress, talk, and act in public.

We teach them the value of being a woman and to know our worth. But the lessons that make the biggest impacts are those we show them. If you think your daughter doesn’t have sense enough to know what’s going on, many times, you are wrong.

She knows why he can’t stay for dinner. She knows why he can’t make her track meet. She knows why she’s never met any of his relatives or friends. She knows that he ain’t for you.

I can’t say I agree with all these podcasters’ take on dating women today, but I can tell you you’ll never get the same respect as men for doing what they do. It’s not fair and never has been but neither is life. Besides, you need to think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You certainly wouldn’t have positive thoughts of that woman. We must stop believing these men when they say they’re going to leave their wives or significant others.

So what he told you he loves you. He tells her that too. Love is just a four letter word without action. There’s no way he can fully execute his love for you as long as he’s still with her. The lie always feels better than the truth until he gives you the boot.

Sis, give it up…..He’s not yours.

Do you ever stop to think that the way he got with you could be the same way he leaves you as well? It happens all the time. Even if you do manage to stay together, your relationship won’t be a fairy tale. There will forever be trust issues because of how the two of you got together.

“Why settle for less when you deserve the best? You’re worth more than sloppy seconds. Wipe your tears and learn from this lesson.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

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